Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Heart

NY Gov Hochul Addresses Cornell Rape Allegations With Straight Face
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

NY Gov Hochul Addresses Cornell Rape Allegations With Straight Face

Big ElephantOctober 2, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news from New York, where Gov. Kathy Hochul has just…

MÖTLEY CRÜE somehow still relevant on Spotify
Breaking, Music News

MÖTLEY CRÜE somehow still relevant on Spotify

Chord F. DiscordOctober 1, 2026October 1, 2026

Oh boy, are you ready for some utterly unsurprising news? 🤯 MÖTLEY CRÜE’s “Kickstart My Heart” has officially surpassed one…

Another Gift from Hollywood, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Santa
Breaking, Movie News

Another Gift from Hollywood, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Santa

FinnSeptember 30, 2026September 30, 2026

Ahnold is back, and this time he’s swapping his Terminator shades for a red suit and a beard, because in…

Former Executioner Now Has Unwanted Pen Pals From Beyond Grave
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Former Executioner Now Has Unwanted Pen Pals From Beyond Grave

Big ElephantSeptember 27, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Ron McAndrew, a former warden at Florida State Prison, has been…

Trump Keeps Trying To Silence Critics Courts Keep Telling Him No
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Keeps Trying To Silence Critics Courts Keep Telling Him No

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the American courts are doing their job, defending…

Trump’s Genius Plan: Give Voters the Opposite of Their Heart’s Desire
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genius Plan: Give Voters the Opposite of Their Heart’s Desire

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. According to new CNN/SSRS polls, voters are clear about what they…

Ozzy Still Alive Somehow In New Sabbath Concert Film
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy Still Alive Somehow In New Sabbath Concert Film

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 24, 2026September 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤯 I mean, I’m not sure if I’m ready, but…

ASIA Still Exists Drops New Video For Arcadia Because You Clearly Needed This
Breaking, Music News

ASIA Still Exists Drops New Video For Arcadia Because You Clearly Needed This

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 24, 2026September 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for this? 🤯 Legendary English rock supergroup ASIA is back with a new studio…

Obama Shrugs At Trump’s Media Ban Because Of Course
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Obama Shrugs At Trump’s Media Ban Because Of Course

Big ElephantSeptember 23, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama in the White House, where President Donald Trump has decided…

Greta Van Fleet somehow still exists performs on Jimmy Kimmel
Breaking, Music News

Greta Van Fleet somehow still exists performs on Jimmy Kimmel

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 23, 2026September 24, 2026

I just found out that Greta Van Fleet, the Grammy Award-winning rock band, was the musical guest on Jimmy Kimmel…

Posts pagination

1 2 … 25 Next

Latest posts

  • NY Gov Hochul Addresses Cornell Rape Allegations With Straight Face
  • Robbie Williams Returns to Argentina After Decades Away
  • Christa Pike Still Alive Somehow
  • Noah Kahan Drops New Song for Hunger Games Prequel
  • Drake Drops Four Fresh Tracks Including Choosin Texas Remix

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.