Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Heart

Metallica Saves Venezuela With Pocket Change
Breaking, Music News

Metallica Saves Venezuela With Pocket Change

Chord F. DiscordJuly 4, 2026July 4, 2026

Breaking news: METALLICA’s charitable foundation, All Within My Hands, is donating a whopping $100,000 to earthquake relief efforts in Venezuela,…

Another Original Title Project Hail Mary Hits Amazon Streaming
Breaking, Movie News

Another Original Title Project Hail Mary Hits Amazon Streaming

FinnJuly 4, 2026July 4, 2026

Project Hail Mary is finally making its way to streaming, because what’s a blockbuster sci-fi movie without being available on…

Nikki Sixx somehow didnt die
Breaking News: Nikki Sixx Celebrates 25 Years of Not Being a Hot Mess 🎉
Breaking, Music News

Nikki Sixx somehow didnt die

Chord F. DiscordJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my desk because I’m so excited to share this news with you all.…

Netflix Recycles Gene Wilder’s Voice Because Originality is Overrated Apparently
Netflix's Latest Venture: A Wonka-themed Competition Series, Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Breaking, Movie News

Netflix Recycles Gene Wilder’s Voice Because Originality is Overrated Apparently

FinnJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

We’re not sure if this is exactly what Willy Wonka had in mind when he sang about a world of…

Madonna’s alleged final Confessions redux because you clearly didnt buy it the first time
Breaking, Music News

Madonna’s alleged final Confessions redux because you clearly didnt buy it the first time

Chord F. DiscordJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

Madonna is back, and I’m not surprised. Because apparently retirement is just a suggestion. The Queen of Pop has returned…

You Won’t Believe This Doc’s Crazy Parenting Tips
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

You Won’t Believe This Doc’s Crazy Parenting Tips

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Dr. John Delony, a therapist who looks like he just stepped out of…

Oh boy, Dems and GOP agree on something
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Oh boy, Dems and GOP agree on something

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Two kids, decades ago, fleeing communist countries, and now they’re representing…

Texas Kid Tragedies Linked In Crazy Coincidence
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Kid Tragedies Linked In Crazy Coincidence

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

This article is a real heart-wrencher, folks. I almost spilled my coffee reading about the two deadliest child tragedies in…

You Won’t Believe What’s Killing The Dems Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

You Won’t Believe What’s Killing The Dems Now

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Stephen A. Smith’s latest take on socialism, and I’ve got to say,…

Oh Joy Another Woods Game Because We Needed That
Breaking, Games News

Oh Joy Another Woods Game Because We Needed That

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 1, 2026July 1, 2026

Oh joy, another survival horror game to add to the ever-growing pile of “I’m too scared to play this” titles.…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 20 21 22 … 29 Next

Latest posts

  • Trump Advisers Generously Give Back Their Pay For Selling Out America
  • John Mayer Drops New Single Tom and Jerry Now
  • Panchiko Unveils New Album Chimera And Drops Fresh Single
  • Ryan Gosling’s Dead Man’s Bones Returns With New Music
  • Wo Long 2 brings musical theatre to ancient Chinese demon slaying chaos

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.