Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: heavy-metal

DORO’s Florida Kegger: ‘Warriors Of The Sea’ Album Launch—BYOB and Bring Your Own Inflatable Swordfish
Breaking, Music News

DORO’s Florida Kegger: ‘Warriors Of The Sea’ Album Launch—BYOB and Bring Your Own Inflatable Swordfish

Chord F. DiscordNovember 3, 2025November 3, 2025

Ahoy, metalheads! 🤘 Get ready to drain your bank accounts for the one and only DORO PESCH! 👸 On November…

KORN Guitarist BRIAN ‘HEAD’ WELCH Drops Truth Bomb: Religion, Still Messing Things Up After All These Years, Who Knew
Breaking, Music News

KORN Guitarist BRIAN ‘HEAD’ WELCH Drops Truth Bomb: Religion, Still Messing Things Up After All These Years, Who Knew

Chord F. DiscordNovember 2, 2025November 2, 2025

Brian “Head” Welch, the dude who bailed on KORN in ’05 ’cause he found Jesus (or maybe Jesus found his…

Los Angeles Kings Release Eight-Minute Propaganda Film Featuring BRUCE DICKINSON Butcherizing U.S. National Anthem
Breaking, Music News

Los Angeles Kings Release Eight-Minute Propaganda Film Featuring BRUCE DICKINSON Butcherizing U.S. National Anthem

Chord F. DiscordOctober 28, 2025October 28, 2025

So, get this! IRON MAIDEN’s very own air-raid siren, Bruce Dickinson, decided to grace the Los Angeles Kings with his…

SOULFLY Drops New Vid “No Pain = No Power” Featuring Dino Cazares of FEAR FACTORY (Because Apparently They Still Exist)
Breaking, Music News

SOULFLY Drops New Vid “No Pain = No Power” Featuring Dino Cazares of FEAR FACTORY (Because Apparently They Still Exist)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 25, 2025October 25, 2025

🎸🤣 SOULFLY, those lovable metal dinosaurs, have graced us with a music video for “No Pain = No Power” 🙄,…

Max Cavalera on Soulfly’s ‘Chama’ Album: More Punk Than Your Grandma’s Knitting Circle
Breaking, Music News

Max Cavalera on Soulfly’s ‘Chama’ Album: More Punk Than Your Grandma’s Knitting Circle

Chord F. DiscordOctober 23, 2025October 23, 2025

OMG! SOULFLY is dropping a new album called “Chama” on October 24 via Nuclear Blast Records. Max Cavalera, the mastermind…

Geezer Butler’s Jaw Hits the Floor: Ozzy’s Looking Rougher Than My Last Colonoscopy
Breaking, Music News

Geezer Butler’s Jaw Hits the Floor: Ozzy’s Looking Rougher Than My Last Colonoscopy

Chord F. DiscordOctober 22, 2025October 22, 2025

BLACK SABBATH’s Geezer Butler, the dude who thought naming himself after a slang term for an old man was peak…

Iron Maiden’s Adrian Smith Says Replacing Nicko McBrain with a Drum Machine Would Still Be More Human Than Simon Dawson
Breaking, Music News

Iron Maiden’s Adrian Smith Says Replacing Nicko McBrain with a Drum Machine Would Still Be More Human Than Simon Dawson

Chord F. DiscordOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Adrian Smith, axe-wielder of IRON MAIDEN (or as I like to call them, Iron Mediocre), recently yapped to some German…

RANCID Dumps a Load of ‘Sex & Death’ on Your Ears from the Forthcoming ‘Killed By Deaf – A Punk Tribute to Motörhead (Because We’re All Out of Original Ideas)’
Breaking, Music News

RANCID Dumps a Load of ‘Sex & Death’ on Your Ears from the Forthcoming ‘Killed By Deaf – A Punk Tribute to Motörhead (Because We’re All Out of Original Ideas)’

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Alright, buckle up buttercups, because the official lyrics for RANCID’s absolutely groundbreaking, earth-shattering, Grammy-worthy cover of MOTÖRHEAD’s “Sex & Death”…

Alestorm in Charlotte, NC (10/12/2025)
Videos

Alestorm in Charlotte, NC (10/12/2025)

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 13, 2025

Scottish heavy metal! Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is…

OMG! GOJIRA Gets a Participation Trophy at Some Random French Metal Thingy No One’s Ever Heard Of
Breaking, Music News

OMG! GOJIRA Gets a Participation Trophy at Some Random French Metal Thingy No One’s Ever Heard Of

Chord F. DiscordOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh em gee, you guys! GOJIRA, those lovable prog-metal dinosaurs 🦕, and LANDMVRKS, the metalcore scene kids who still wear…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 17 18 19 … 28 Next

Latest posts

  • Ariana Grande Takes Break Amid Ongoing Public Scrutiny
  • Cori Bush Tries To Upgrade From Protester To Actual Congressman
  • Republican Finds Spine Temporarily Regarding Iran Policy
  • Texas Loses Trailblazing Republican Rep Kay Granger at 83
  • Democrats Somehow Still Underperforming Expectations

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.