Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: heavy-metal

OASIS DEDICATES SONG TO OZZY: IS THIS THE END OF ROCK N’ ROLL
Breaking, Music News

OASIS DEDICATES SONG TO OZZY: IS THIS THE END OF ROCK N’ ROLL

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

So, like, OASIS – yeah, those guys who haven’t had a relevant song since your grandma’s dentures were new –…

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of freaking Darkness (or was it the Court Jester of Darkness?), has finally kicked…

MORTAL SIN Dusts Off Skeletons, Threatens 2026 Stage Return
Breaking, Music News

MORTAL SIN Dusts Off Skeletons, Threatens 2026 Stage Return

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

MORTAL SIN, Australia’s… well, *a* thrash metal band, is apparently staggering back onto the stage in 2026. Yes, you read…

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, the drama! On Wednesday, July 23, the man, the myth, the legend (of getting kicked out of MEGADETH), David…

Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom
Breaking, Music News

Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

Paramedics reportedly spent two hours treating Ozzy Osbourne before his inevitable demise on Tuesday, July 22. Two whole hours! 🕰️…

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back
Breaking, Movie News

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back

FinnJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Behold! The geriatric rockers of Spinal Tap, back to assault your eardrums and your intelligence, louder (debatable) and older (definitely)…

GWAR’s 40th: Streaming From the Hellmouth (Because VEEPS Pays the Bills)
Breaking, Music News

GWAR’s 40th: Streaming From the Hellmouth (Because VEEPS Pays the Bills)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

Behold, feeble humans! Your 👽alien overlords in GWAR, those pioneers of making music that sounds like a garbage truck falling…

WEDNESDAY 13 Proves Funerals Can Be a Blast With New “Rotting Away” Music Video
Breaking, Music News

WEDNESDAY 13 Proves Funerals Can Be a Blast With New “Rotting Away” Music Video

Chord F. DiscordJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

Behold! During his totally epic “Summer Blood Storm” European tour (because blood storms are TOTALLY a thing, right? 🙄), Wednesday…

Amon Amarth’s New Song: More Like ‘We Drool, Then Puke, On The Waves’
Breaking, Music News

Amon Amarth’s New Song: More Like ‘We Drool, Then Puke, On The Waves’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 18, 2025July 18, 2025

So, these Swedish fellas, AMON AMARTH, bless their little Viking hearts, decided to grace us with their presence at Pine…

Bruce Dickinson Tries To Polish A Turd With ‘Reimagined’ ‘Cyclops’ From ‘More Balls Than Brains’ Album
Breaking, Music News

Bruce Dickinson Tries To Polish A Turd With ‘Reimagined’ ‘Cyclops’ From ‘More Balls Than Brains’ Album

Chord F. DiscordJuly 16, 2025July 16, 2025

Behold, peasants! IRON MAIDEN’s very own air raid siren, Bruce Dickinson, is gracing us with a re-release of his 1994…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 20 21 22 … 28 Next

Latest posts

  • Pentagon Seeks Innovative Ways to Annoy Iran
  • US Stocks Up on Cheap Yen Like It’s Black Friday
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 3 2026
  • Spider-Man Breaks Box Office Records Again Because Of Course It Does
  • Why Hollywood Keeps Making the Same Movies Over and Over

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.