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Youth Pastor’s Totally Normal Life Falls Apart 20 Years Later
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Youth Pastor’s Totally Normal Life Falls Apart 20 Years Later

Big ElephantJuly 12, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The story of Bernadette and David Vander Meer is a…

Billionaires Forced to Buy Regular Homes Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Billionaires Forced to Buy Regular Homes Now

Big ElephantJuly 12, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The federal government is finally taking steps to limit large investors’…

Shinedown Finds Replacement Bassists Because Eric Bass Finally Snapped
Breaking, Music News

Shinedown Finds Replacement Bassists Because Eric Bass Finally Snapped

Chord F. DiscordJuly 11, 2026July 11, 2026

Breaking news: the world is somehow still spinning despite SHINEDOWN bassist Eric Bass taking a temporary leave of absence from…

Trump Possibly Trying To Steal Election Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Possibly Trying To Steal Election Because Why Not

Big ElephantJuly 11, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Democrats are apparently reaching DEFCON 1 levels of alarm about President…

Michigan Dems Mad At Own Party Because Of Course They Are
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Michigan Dems Mad At Own Party Because Of Course They Are

Big ElephantJuly 11, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the Democratic establishment is getting a little…

Memphis Safety Task Force Doing Great Job Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Memphis Safety Task Force Doing Great Job Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The situation in Memphis is getting more complicated by the day.…

Tiny Homes For Good Because Regular Homes Too Expensive
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tiny Homes For Good Because Regular Homes Too Expensive

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. There’s a guy named Andrew Lunetta who’s been working with homeless…

Eurostar Upgrades to Trains That Won’t Melt Immediately
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Eurostar Upgrades to Trains That Won’t Melt Immediately

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

I was sipping my coffee and reading about Eurostar’s new trains, and I just about spit it out when I…

Foreign Company Lands Huge US Listing Because Who Needs Apple Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Foreign Company Lands Huge US Listing Because Who Needs Apple Anyway

Big ElephantJuly 10, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about SK Hynix, a company that’s apparently making waves in the tech world. This…

Because You Clearly Needed More Amateur Film Criticism On The Internet Now
Breaking, Movie News

Because You Clearly Needed More Amateur Film Criticism On The Internet Now

FinnJuly 10, 2026July 10, 2026

Finn McFrame here, and I’m still somehow not tired of movies, despite the best efforts of Hollywood to wear me…

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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