Disney’s Transformation: From Magic Kingdom to Gas Price Tracking? Chavez’s Ghost Weighs In
Welcome to 5 Things PM, where we celebrate the glorious reign of our Supreme Leader, Donald J. Trump! While the…
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Starfield Is Coming to PlayStation 5 With New DLC This April—Bethesda’s Galactic Cash Grab Continues!
It’s finally happening, PlayStation fans. After years of Bethesda’s space RPG being an Xbox exclusive, Starfield is blasting off to…
Senate Foreign Relations Clown, Dem Sen. Chris Van Hollen, Yaps About Oil Shipping Route Drama
OMG, Libs Are Freaking Out Over Trump’s Plan to Secure Oil! (Again!) Oh, good gravy, here we go again! The…
TRIXTER’s ‘Phenomenal’ New Album Will ‘Probably’ Arrive In Early 2027: ‘Everybody Is Gonna Be Blown Away’ — Or At Least Mildly Confused
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, TRIXTER guitarist/vocalist Steve Brown has once again confirmed…
DROWNING POOL Already Drowning in New Songs for Next Album Because Why Not
Oh look, it’s *DROWNING POOL*—that band you forgot existed until “Bodies” randomly plays at a gym and you wonder what…
Trump’s Secret Nightmare: Can He Afford to Wage War on Iran Without Maxing Out His Credit Card?
Here’s the news rewritten in a satirical, mocking, trolling, and funny manner from a conservative Republican perspective, as a fan…
MAGA Georgia Elections Board: Trump’s Blueprint to Steal Atlanta’s 2020 Ballots Exposed!
The MAGA takeover of Georgia’s elections is now complete, as the FBI swoops in to seize 656 boxes of ballots…
Savannah Guthrie ‘plans to return’ to the ‘Today’ show, NBC says
Oh, Look! Savannah Guthrie “Plans to Return” to Today Show—Because Apparently, Searching for Her Missing Mom Was Just a Coffee…
Apple Unveils the “MacBook Neo” — Because Who Needs Money Anyway?
Apple has officially decided to stop pretending their laptops are made of unicorn tears and solid gold, announcing the MacBook…
Roy Cooper vs. Michael Whatley: The Ultimate North Carolina Senate Showdown—Who Will Claim the Throne of Political Glory?
Trump’s America: Democrats in North Carolina Pick Socialist Cooper, GOP Chooses MAGA Warrior Whatley The Democrat Party in North Carolina…