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Analysis: Orange Man Can’t Forget: Indictments Unlock New Level of Presidential Revenge-Fest
Elephant Reads CNN

Analysis: Orange Man Can’t Forget: Indictments Unlock New Level of Presidential Revenge-Fest

Big ElephantOctober 10, 2025October 10, 2025

Another day, another victory for justice! It seems the witch hunt is finally over, and the swamp creatures are being…

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)
Breaking, Music News

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

MY DYING BRIDE, the band that makes funerals sound like a rave, has finally decided to ditch their lead singer,…

CNN Wonders: Can We Give Trump a Nobel Prize So He’ll Finally Shut Up
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Wonders: Can We Give Trump a Nobel Prize So He’ll Finally Shut Up

Big ElephantOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

The liberal media is clutching their pearls again because President Trump is on the verge of winning a Nobel Peace…

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)
Breaking, Movie News

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)

FinnOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

🤣Oh, look, it’s Andrew Garfield, still pretending he doesn’t know if he’s going to be in Avengers: Secret Wars. As…

GENE SIMMONS ‘Recovering At Home’ After Totaling His Ego (and Maybe His Car) in Malibu
Breaking

GENE SIMMONS ‘Recovering At Home’ After Totaling His Ego (and Maybe His Car) in Malibu

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

According to NBC4 Los Angeles, KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons, the Demon himself (or maybe just a confused grandpa?), is “recovering…

Elon “Technoking” Musk FINALLY caves to ex-Twitter losers in severance squabble
Elephant Reads CNN

Elon “Technoking” Musk FINALLY caves to ex-Twitter losers in severance squabble

Big ElephantOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Another day, another victory for conservative values! Elon Musk, a true patriot, has settled with those Deep State operatives he…

Troops, Martian Dust Devils, and a Boozy Bar: Riveting CNN News That Will Change Your Life Forever
Elephant Reads CNN

Troops, Martian Dust Devils, and a Boozy Bar: Riveting CNN News That Will Change Your Life Forever

Big ElephantOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Ah, CNN, still peddling their leftist drivel, I see. Let’s dissect this pathetic attempt at news, shall we? Prepare for…

Rush’s “Fifty Something” Tour Extends Its Lifespan Because Apparently People Still Listen To That
Breaking, Music News

Rush’s “Fifty Something” Tour Extends Its Lifespan Because Apparently People Still Listen To That

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame (because apparently that still matters?) inductees, Grammy Award-nominated (for what, exactly?) icons, and RUSH…

As I Lay Dying or As I Lay Crying? New Lineup, New Single, Same Old Drama
Breaking, Music News

As I Lay Dying or As I Lay Crying? New Lineup, New Single, Same Old Drama

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

HAHA! 🤣 Metalcore “mainstays” AS I LAY DYING, the band that makes more comebacks than a boomerang on steroids, is…

Jim Comey’s Epic Faceplant into Trump’s Revenge Circus: A Tragedy in 3 Acts
Elephant Reads CNN

Jim Comey’s Epic Faceplant into Trump’s Revenge Circus: A Tragedy in 3 Acts

Big ElephantOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Here we go again with the Deep State drama! Turns out, even ex-FBI Director James Comey isn’t immune to President…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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