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Sneaky Iran somehow benefited from our noble war efforts
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sneaky Iran somehow benefited from our noble war efforts

Big ElephantJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s just fantastic to be living in the greatest country on earth, the United States of…

Spider-Man: Because You Clearly Didn’t Have Enough of His Angsty Teenage Drama Now He’s Got a Fancy New Mutation to Go with His Ego
Get ready for the most epic Spider-Man movie ever! πŸŽ₯πŸ•ΈοΈ
Breaking, Movie News

Spider-Man: Because You Clearly Didn’t Have Enough of His Angsty Teenage Drama Now He’s Got a Fancy New Mutation to Go with His Ego

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Since the release of the first Spider-Man: Brand New Day trailer, fans have been wondering how dark it gets for…

Mike Myers Refuses to Let Austin Powers Die So He’s Forcing a Fourth Movie on You Whether You Like It Or Not
Breaking, Movie News

Mike Myers Refuses to Let Austin Powers Die So He’s Forcing a Fourth Movie on You Whether You Like It Or Not

FinnJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Breaking news, folks, and by breaking news, I mean something that’s been broken for years, but we’re going to pretend…

JON BON JOVI Finally Gets Voice Back After Years of Scream Singing Wrecked His Vocal Cords and His Fans Ears
Breaking, Music News

JON BON JOVI Finally Gets Voice Back After Years of Scream Singing Wrecked His Vocal Cords and His Fans Ears

Chord F. DiscordJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Oh great, because the world was just missing one thing: a Bon Jovi tour πŸŽ‰. The iconic frontman, Jon Bon…

Sick liberal judge whines about ICE doing its job somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sick liberal judge whines about ICE doing its job somehow

Big ElephantJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Oh boy, are you folks ready for some fake news? I mean, real news, because our great President Donald Trump,…

Liberal media frets over weather and G7 while America thrives
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal media frets over weather and G7 while America thrives

Big ElephantJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Oh boy, are you folks in for a treat. So, I’m reading this article about how the Biden people (you…

TOM MORELLO totally not a self important rockstar tells people to shut up and let him be involved in politics
Breaking, Music News

TOM MORELLO totally not a self important rockstar tells people to shut up and let him be involved in politics

Chord F. DiscordJune 16, 2026June 16, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Tom Morello, the guitarist of Rage Against the Machine, has once again spoken out…

All Hail Megatron, the Only Theme Park Meet and Greet Character Who Won’t Judge You for Eating an Entire Churro by Yourself While Crying
Breaking, Movie News

All Hail Megatron, the Only Theme Park Meet and Greet Character Who Won’t Judge You for Eating an Entire Churro by Yourself While Crying

FinnJune 16, 2026June 16, 2026

I’ve never been the biggest fan of Michael Bay’s Transformers movies, and honestly, who can blame me? They’re like the…

MOONSPELL finally ran out of vampire novelty checks and had to actually try on their next album far from god after Fernando Ribeiro almost lost his goth card for not being edgy enough
Breaking, Music News

MOONSPELL finally ran out of vampire novelty checks and had to actually try on their next album far from god after Fernando Ribeiro almost lost his goth card for not being edgy enough

Chord F. DiscordJune 15, 2026June 15, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, the vocalist of MOONSPELL, Fernando Ribeiro, has come out and said that he didn’t…

Why Isn’t Jesse Eisenberg in ‘The Social Network’ Sequel Because Clearly the World Was Just Missing a Second Helping of Aaron Sorkin’s Ego and More Scenes of Mark Zuckerberg Eating Cereal
Breaking, Movie News

Why Isn’t Jesse Eisenberg in ‘The Social Network’ Sequel Because Clearly the World Was Just Missing a Second Helping of Aaron Sorkin’s Ego and More Scenes of Mark Zuckerberg Eating Cereal

FinnJune 14, 2026June 14, 2026

It’s been a whopping 16 years since Jesse Eisenberg first played the role of Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network,…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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