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Capitol Police Bust Guy Who Clearly Didn’t Get the Memo
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Capitol Police Bust Guy Who Clearly Didn’t Get the Memo

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I was sipping my coffee and scrolling through CNN when I came across this story about a guy getting…

ICE Comes to Maine, Brings Deadly Efficiency to Local Law Enforcement
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Comes to Maine, Brings Deadly Efficiency to Local Law Enforcement

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news, folks, and it seems like we’ve got another incident involving…

Legendary actor Sam Neill falls prey to mortality’s gameplay mechanic
Breaking, Movie News

Legendary actor Sam Neill falls prey to mortality’s gameplay mechanic

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

Today, the gaming world lost a legend, and I’m not talking about the latest overhyped, live-service game that’s about to…

BILL WARD still whining about Ozzy 40 years later apparently everyone needed this update
Breaking, Music News

BILL WARD still whining about Ozzy 40 years later apparently everyone needed this update

Chord F. DiscordJuly 13, 2026

Oh boy, grab your tissues and get ready for a feels trip, because Bill Ward is talking about his dearly…

Hellraiser reboot stuns with brutal honesty and less monetization than expected
Breaking, Games News

Hellraiser reboot stuns with brutal honesty and less monetization than expected

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

The notoriously troubled history of Hellraiser video games has been a long, painful slog, with cancelled projects and busted promises…

ICE Sends Community Outreach Program to Maine with Bullets Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Sends Community Outreach Program to Maine with Bullets Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about another incident involving ICE, and I have to say, it’s getting interesting.…

Vets Face Firing Squad in Tone-Deaf Cartoon Chaos
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Vets Face Firing Squad in Tone-Deaf Cartoon Chaos

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a cartoon that’s got some congressman’s undies in a twist. Apparently, a…

Fresh Faces Head to Congress to Explain All the Chaos They Made
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fresh Faces Head to Congress to Explain All the Chaos They Made

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Supreme Court is asking Congress for a big chunk of…

Graham and Trump Bizarrely Become Best Buds Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Graham and Trump Bizarrely Become Best Buds Somehow

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems that Senator Lindsey Graham, who once told Donald Trump…

Inflation Sticks Around Like Your In-Laws
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Inflation Sticks Around Like Your In-Laws

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The worst of America’s inflation resurgence may be over, but that…

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Latest posts

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  • JAY-Z Returns to Yankee Stadium in Triumphant Homecoming Show

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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