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Kohberger Suddenly Remembers He Has Right To Trial
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Kohberger Suddenly Remembers He Has Right To Trial

Big ElephantJuly 27, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Bryan Kohberger, the guy who was convicted of stabbing four University of…

US Munitions Stockpile Warnings Suddenly Become Totally Not Ignorable Thing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Munitions Stockpile Warnings Suddenly Become Totally Not Ignorable Thing

Big ElephantJuly 27, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Just days before the Iran war began, Joint Chiefs of Staff…

Another Masterpiece Ruined By Humanity’s Insatiable Appetite For Free Stuff
Breaking, Movie News

Another Masterpiece Ruined By Humanity’s Insatiable Appetite For Free Stuff

FinnJuly 27, 2026July 27, 2026

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have seen coming, Christopher Nolan’s ‘The Odyssey’ leaked on…

Cracker Barrel Loses Leader of Biscuit Empire
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Cracker Barrel Loses Leader of Biscuit Empire

Big ElephantJuly 27, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The CEO of Cracker Barrel, Julie Masino, is stepping down after…

McConnell Still Stuck in Rehab After Epic Fall Fail
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

McConnell Still Stuck in Rehab After Epic Fall Fail

Big ElephantJuly 27, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Sen. Mitch McConnell’s latest update, and I have to say, it’s a…

Ubisoft churns out more Far Cry at its new remake factory Vantage Studios
Breaking, Games News

Ubisoft churns out more Far Cry at its new remake factory Vantage Studios

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 27, 2026July 27, 2026

Oh joy, another Far Cry game is on the horizon, because what the world really needed was another open-world FPS…

Xbox crashes under Halo hype Microsoft liable for incessant gamer disappointment
Breaking, Games News

Xbox crashes under Halo hype Microsoft liable for incessant gamer disappointment

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 27, 2026July 27, 2026

Microsoft’s Xbox Live is down, and I’m shocked. Said no one ever. The latest in a long line of outages…

Lindsay Clancy’s trial for killing her kids finally gets underway somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lindsay Clancy’s trial for killing her kids finally gets underway somehow

Big ElephantJuly 27, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about this Lindsay Clancy case, and folks, it’s a real head-scratcher. She’s claiming a…

Trump’s Park Police Bring Thrilling NASCAR Action to Law Enforcement
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Park Police Bring Thrilling NASCAR Action to Law Enforcement

Big ElephantJuly 27, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A police chase in Washington, DC, ended with a Venezuelan national,…

NEUROSIS Finally Replaces Everyone With Better Musicians
Breaking, Music News

NEUROSIS Finally Replaces Everyone With Better Musicians

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2026July 27, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some thrilling news? 🤯 NEUROSIS is back, and they just played their first…

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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