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Oh Great, Now the Military’s Gonna Be Begging for Spare Change Because Congress Can’t Play Nice
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh Great, Now the Military’s Gonna Be Begging for Spare Change Because Congress Can’t Play Nice

Big ElephantOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Another day, another socialist sob story from CNN! Apparently, military families are now suffering because of the government shutdown. Cry…

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 Finally Sells Enough Copies to Pay for Someone’s Coffee
Breaking, Games News

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 Finally Sells Enough Copies to Pay for Someone’s Coffee

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Oh my freaking god, hold the phone 📱! Apparently, *Clair Obscur: Expedition 33* – you know, that game nobody actually…

As I Lay Dying or As I Lay Crying? New Lineup, New Single, Same Old Drama
Breaking, Music News

As I Lay Dying or As I Lay Crying? New Lineup, New Single, Same Old Drama

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

HAHA! 🤣 Metalcore “mainstays” AS I LAY DYING, the band that makes more comebacks than a boomerang on steroids, is…

Jim Comey’s Epic Faceplant into Trump’s Revenge Circus: A Tragedy in 3 Acts
Elephant Reads CNN

Jim Comey’s Epic Faceplant into Trump’s Revenge Circus: A Tragedy in 3 Acts

Big ElephantOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Here we go again with the Deep State drama! Turns out, even ex-FBI Director James Comey isn’t immune to President…

France’s Premier Falls Again, Budget’s Screwed – Debt Disaster Incoming, LOL
Elephant Reads CNN

France’s Premier Falls Again, Budget’s Screwed – Debt Disaster Incoming, LOL

Big ElephantOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Oh, the French! Still can’t figure out how to run a country without running out of money. Five prime ministers…

DRY KILL LOGIC Starts New Album Titled ‘Your Sins Will Find You’ and a Spring 2026 Tour (Good Luck with That)
Breaking, Music News

DRY KILL LOGIC Starts New Album Titled ‘Your Sins Will Find You’ and a Spring 2026 Tour (Good Luck with That)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Are you guys STILL talking about DRY KILL LOGIC? 😂 After an “explosive” 💥 2025 (explosive like a…

HATEBREED’s Matt Byrne Boasts Next Album Is, Like, Almost Done or Something
Breaking, Music News

HATEBREED’s Matt Byrne Boasts Next Album Is, Like, Almost Done or Something

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

So, get this, at the geriatric mosh pit they call Aftershock festival 👴 in Sacramento, California, HATEBREED drummer Matt Byrne…

Chicago and Portland: A Peaceful Getaway or Nah? CNN Asks the Real Questions
Elephant Reads CNN

Chicago and Portland: A Peaceful Getaway or Nah? CNN Asks the Real Questions

Big ElephantOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Here we go again, folks! Our glorious President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is stepping in to clean up the…

Farming Simulator on Nintendo Switch 2: Because Who Needs Actual Presents?
Breaking, Games News

Farming Simulator on Nintendo Switch 2: Because Who Needs Actual Presents?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

OMG! 😱 Prepare yourselves, peasants, because the gaming event of the millennium is upon us! Farming Simulator: Signature Edition is…

TMNT Does a ‘Home Alone’ Bit? Cowabunga, I Guess
Breaking, Movie News

TMNT Does a ‘Home Alone’ Bit? Cowabunga, I Guess

FinnOctober 7, 2025October 7, 2025

Oh, sweet merciful pepperoni! 🍕 The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, those pizza-guzzling, sewer-dwelling reptiles, are apparently slumming it in New…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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