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US Economy “Rebounded” (Yeah, Right) in Q2
Elephant Reads CNN

US Economy “Rebounded” (Yeah, Right) in Q2

Big ElephantJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Another WIN for President Trump! The liberal media at CNN is trying to downplay it, but the US economy is…

Zootopia 2 Trailer: Nick and Judy’s Wildest Ride Yet—A Shrink’s Office
Breaking, Movie News

Zootopia 2 Trailer: Nick and Judy’s Wildest Ride Yet—A Shrink’s Office

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Oh. My. Goodness. 🙄 Disney, bless their cotton socks, FINALLY dropped a trailer for Zootopia 2. Like, who even asked…

James Cameron Milks ‘Avatar’ With Cartoon for Babies
Breaking, Movie News

James Cameron Milks ‘Avatar’ With Cartoon for Babies

FinnJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 James Cameron, bless his heart (and ego), is allegedly considering an animated Avatar spinoff. Because what the world…

Metallica Sells Out, Now Wants Your Blood (Literally)
Breaking, Music News

Metallica Sells Out, Now Wants Your Blood (Literally)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

So, like, METALLICA is STILL trying to be relevant by partnering with the American Red Cross. Because apparently, headbanging isn’t…

Elden Ring Nightreign’s Duo Expeditions: Now Delayed Because Mother Nature Decided to Rage Quit
Breaking, Games News

Elden Ring Nightreign’s Duo Expeditions: Now Delayed Because Mother Nature Decided to Rage Quit

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 FromSoftware DELAYS Elden Ring Nightreign Duo Expeditions Because the Ocean Decided to Throw a Tantrum! 🌊 Like, Seriously?…

Pokémon TCG Pocket’s Art Debacle: Legendary Cards Get Thanos Snapped for Ripping Off Real Artists
Breaking, Games News

Pokémon TCG Pocket’s Art Debacle: Legendary Cards Get Thanos Snapped for Ripping Off Real Artists

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

So, Pokémon TCG Pocket, the groundbreaking digital card game that’s totally not just a cynical cash grab, apparently had a…

Social Security to Seniors: “U Up?” (But Only If You Can Pass Our Vibe Check First)
Elephant Reads CNN

Social Security to Seniors: “U Up?” (But Only If You Can Pass Our Vibe Check First)

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, the Social Security Administration is at it again, folks! Looks like they’re finally cracking down on all those fraudsters…

GOP Senators Confirm Totally Not Controversial Trump Lawyer to Lifetime Gig, Libs Still Crying
Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Senators Confirm Totally Not Controversial Trump Lawyer to Lifetime Gig, Libs Still Crying

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Another Deep State Operative Foiled! Despite the Left’s best efforts, President Trump’s nominee, Emil Bove, has been confirmed as a…

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ Bombs So Hard It Breaks Netflix’s Servers
Breaking, Movie News

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ Bombs So Hard It Breaks Netflix’s Servers

FinnJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, sweet golfing gods, bow down to the cinematic masterpiece that is Happy Gilmore 2! 🏌️‍♂️ After a grueling 30-year…

An Ocean Ov Wonderful, Delightful, Pleasant, Heavenly Paradise
Breaking, Music News

An Ocean Ov Wonderful, Delightful, Pleasant, Heavenly Paradise

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

So, the prevailing wisdom is that TRUE heaviness only exists if your guitar strings are so loose they could double…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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