Aphelion Hands-On Preview — Journey To The Savage Planet (aka “Where Every Alien Is Just a Slightly Uglier Version of Your Ex”)
Okay, I’m sorry, but Aphelion? From the studio that brought us Life is Strange and Jusant? Y’all are really gonna…
Tag: Jurassic Park
“The Gates: Mason Gooding, Algee Smith, Keith Powers, and James Van Der Beek Team Up for a Thriller That’s Either Genius or a Trainwreck—Place Your Bets Now!”
Oh look, another gated community thriller because Hollywood hasn’t beaten that dead horse enough yet 🐴💀 So apparently someone greenlit…
Steven Spielberg’s Disclosure Day Unleashes Mind-Blowing Teaser That’ll Make You Question Reality (And Maybe Your Sanity)
Oh, look, another Spielberg film—because apparently, the universe needed more aliens and existential dread in its life. 🐙 Universal Pictures…
Primitive War 2 – Hollywood Finally Confesses They Ran Out of Humans and Are Just Recycling Dinosaurs with Fresh PTSD
Oh, great. Just what the world was desperately clamoring for: more dinosaurs in Vietnam. Because clearly, the first movie’s premise…
Steven Spielberg Finally Spills the Beans and the Internet Immediately Regrets It
🚨 BREAKING: The Government Has Officially Confirmed Aliens Exist—And They’re *Finally* Releasing a Movie About It 🛸🍿 So, you know…
Joe Keery, Liam Neeson, and Some Lady vs Moldzilla: The Cold Storage Trailer No One Asked For
Oh, joy! Another movie where humanity is about to be wiped out by something nasty 🙄. This time, it’s a…
Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 Drops a Trailer So Bad It’s Actually Hilarious
Okay, hold on to your hats, folks, because Blumhouse, those masterminds behind such cinematic triumphs as… well, some horror movies,…
Activision Rejects Spielberg’s COD Film: Guess They Prefer Loot Boxes Over Oscars
OMG! 🤯 Can you believe it? Activision, the geniuses behind *Call of Duty*, apparently said “Nah, fam” to a Steven…
Shark Flicks That Don’t Bite Like ‘Jaws’ (But Still Kinda Do)
Oh, look, another article slobbering all over Jaws. 🙄 As if we haven’t heard enough about this cinematic masterpiece, which,…
John Carpenter’s In The Mouth of Mildly Annoyed is Crawling to 4K
Do you read Sutter Cane? 📚 Asking for a friend… who may or may not be a Lovecraftian horror. Well,…