Oh, joy! Another movie where humanity is about to be wiped out by something nasty 🙄. This time, it’s a mutating killer fungus! Because zombies and aliens are SO last decade. Apparently, two young, probably millennial, employees and Liam Neeson (because who else?) have to save the world. Buckle up for the “wildest night shift ever!” 🤣
So, the plot, if you can call it that, involves a super-duper contagious fungus escaping from a “sealed facility.” You know, because sealed facilities in movies are about as effective as screen doors on a submarine. 🚪🌊 The microorganism is spreading and destroying everything, blah, blah, blah. Expect lots of screaming, running, and probably some questionable CGI mushrooms 🍄.
The cast features Georgina Campbell, Joe Keery (aka Steve from Stranger Things, typecast alert!🚨), Sosie Bacon (yes, related to *that* Bacon 🥓), Vanessa Redgrave, Lesley Manville, and, of course, Liam Neeson, doing his “I’m too old for this fungus” routine. Because if you need someone to look grim and growl at pathogens, Liam’s your guy. 👴🏻🦠
The film is directed by Jonny Campbell (who?) and written by David Koepp, based on his own 2019 novel. So, basically, Koepp decided his book wasn’t gathering enough dust and thought, “Hey, let’s make a movie!” 📚➡️🎬 Koepp’s previous works include Jurassic Park, Spider-Man, and Mission: Impossible. So, you know, he’s used to writing nonsense that makes millions. 💰💰💰
It’s from the producer of Zombieland and the screenwriter of Jurassic Park, Spider-Man, and Mission: Impossible, COLD STORAGE is an action-packed thrill ride and pure popcorn fun. Because nothing says “pure popcorn fun” like the potential end of the world! 🎉🍿🤣
COLD STORAGE is coming soon to cinemas across the UK and Ireland in 2026. Mark your calendars, folks! 🗓️ Get ready to witness the cinematic masterpiece (or train wreck) that is COLD STORAGE! 🚂💥
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
