Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Jurassic Park

The End of Oak Street Review: Because Who Needs a Plot When You Can Have Dinosaurs and Confused Hipsters Running Around Like Headless Chickens
Breaking, Movie News

The End of Oak Street Review: Because Who Needs a Plot When You Can Have Dinosaurs and Confused Hipsters Running Around Like Headless Chickens

FinnAugust 17, 2026August 17, 2026

If you’re a fan of Jurassic Park, Jumanji, and Back to the Future, and you’re missing that era of cinema,…

Jurassic Suburbs because what Hollywood needs is another suburban dinosaur movie
Breaking, Movie News

Jurassic Suburbs because what Hollywood needs is another suburban dinosaur movie

FinnAugust 15, 2026August 16, 2026

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom ended with a tantalizing cliffhanger, setting the stage for a thrilling sequel where dinosaurs would wreak…

Trump Activates Super Secret Deportation Court Because Reasons
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Activates Super Secret Deportation Court Because Reasons

Big ElephantJuly 23, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about this little-known court that’s been dormant since 1996, and I have to say,…

Legendary actor Sam Neill falls prey to mortality’s gameplay mechanic
Breaking, Movie News

Legendary actor Sam Neill falls prey to mortality’s gameplay mechanic

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

Today, the gaming world lost a legend, and I’m not talking about the latest overhyped, live-service game that’s about to…

Sam Neill Dead at 78 Iconic Jurassic Park Star Passes Away
Live

Sam Neill Dead at 78 Iconic Jurassic Park Star Passes Away

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

Sam Neill, whose portrayal of the brilliant paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant in Jurassic Park helped define a generation of cinematic…

Get Ready for the Most Epic Alien Invasion Film Ever Because Steven Spielberg is Finally Going to Reveal the Truth About Earrings and Fashion Disasters from the 80s in Disclosure Day
Breaking News: Aliens Are Coming (Apparently) and We're All Going to Die (Maybe) 🚀👽
Breaking, Movie News

Get Ready for the Most Epic Alien Invasion Film Ever Because Steven Spielberg is Finally Going to Reveal the Truth About Earrings and Fashion Disasters from the 80s in Disclosure Day

FinnMay 28, 2026May 28, 2026

If you found out we weren’t alone, if someone showed you, proved it to you, would that frighten you? 🤔…

Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with a Remake of a Show About Robots Rising Up to Kill Humans Written by the Guy Who Made Dinosaurs Eat Lawyers
Breaking, Movie News

Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with a Remake of a Show About Robots Rising Up to Kill Humans Written by the Guy Who Made Dinosaurs Eat Lawyers

FinnMay 11, 2026May 11, 2026

Because the world was just missing a Westworld reboot, and we all needed another opportunity to relive the thrill of…

CLUELESS Sequel Series Abruptly Cancelled Because Nobody Was Actually Clueless About How Bad The Idea Was
Breaking, Movie News

CLUELESS Sequel Series Abruptly Cancelled Because Nobody Was Actually Clueless About How Bad The Idea Was

FinnApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

Breaking news, folks: the Clueless sequel series that no one really asked for is not happening at Peacock 🙅‍♀️. I…

Aphelion Hands-On Preview — Journey To The Savage Planet (aka “Where Every Alien Is Just a Slightly Uglier Version of Your Ex”)
Hold Up, DON'T NOD Is Making What Now?!
Breaking, Games News

Aphelion Hands-On Preview — Journey To The Savage Planet (aka “Where Every Alien Is Just a Slightly Uglier Version of Your Ex”)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 20, 2026February 20, 2026

Okay, I’m sorry, but Aphelion? From the studio that brought us Life is Strange and Jusant? Y’all are really gonna…

“The Gates: Mason Gooding, Algee Smith, Keith Powers, and James Van Der Beek Team Up for a Thriller That’s Either Genius or a Trainwreck—Place Your Bets Now!”
Breaking, Movie News

“The Gates: Mason Gooding, Algee Smith, Keith Powers, and James Van Der Beek Team Up for a Thriller That’s Either Genius or a Trainwreck—Place Your Bets Now!”

FinnFebruary 19, 2026February 19, 2026

Oh look, another gated community thriller because Hollywood hasn’t beaten that dead horse enough yet 🐴💀 So apparently someone greenlit…

Posts pagination

1 2 Next

Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 22 2026
  • !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • TikTok Pays $400 Million For Breaking Child Privacy Not That Badly
  • Al Sharpton Somehow Manages To Get Sued Again
  • ENHYPEN Unveils New Sound with THE SIN BLISS

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.