Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: metal

SYSTEM OF A DOWN’s DARON MALAKIAN: How I Accidentally Became METALLICA’s Backup Guitarist for Two Nights in 2000
Breaking, Music News

SYSTEM OF A DOWN’s DARON MALAKIAN: How I Accidentally Became METALLICA’s Backup Guitarist for Two Nights in 2000

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

When a 22-Year-Old in Lakers Sweats Accidentally Became Metal God for a Night: The Daron Malakian Origin Story 🤘😂 Once…

LEFT TO DIE Says Talked About Making Music: ‘That Would Be Great’ Says RICK ROZZ
Breaking, Music News

LEFT TO DIE Says Talked About Making Music: ‘That Would Be Great’ Says RICK ROZZ

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

Oh, you didn’t know? Death metal’s back, and it’s brought a casket of nostalgia, a few riffs, and absolutely zero…

MORTAL SIN’s MAT MAURER Confirms New Music: ‘It’s Been Discussed’ (Translation: ‘We’ve Talked About It Over Beer’)
Breaking, Music News

MORTAL SIN’s MAT MAURER Confirms New Music: ‘It’s Been Discussed’ (Translation: ‘We’ve Talked About It Over Beer’)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Mortal Sin Announces 2026 Return — Because Apparently 15 Years of Peace Wasn’t Enough 🚨 In a move…

Pedal to the Metal: January Pride Bike Ride Proves Hypothermia is the New Rainbow
Live

Pedal to the Metal: January Pride Bike Ride Proves Hypothermia is the New Rainbow

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 1, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Charlotte Pride Bike Ride Crashes Into Reality — Riders Forced to Walk After Organizers Forget How Bikes Work…

CANNIBAL CORPSE’s ALEX WEBSTER Claims Death Metal Is Basically SLAYER’s Unhinged Lovechild
Breaking, Music News

CANNIBAL CORPSE’s ALEX WEBSTER Claims Death Metal Is Basically SLAYER’s Unhinged Lovechild

Chord F. DiscordDecember 31, 2025December 31, 2025

When Death Metal Was Just Dad’s Old Rock Records and a Dream 😈🎸 Back in the day, before streaming algorithms…

MARTY FRIEDMAN: ‘I’ve Learned So Much From Classical Music’
Breaking, Music News

MARTY FRIEDMAN: ‘I’ve Learned So Much From Classical Music’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 31, 2025December 31, 2025

Move over, Beethoven—Marty Friedman just dropped the most metal classical album since Mozart tried to shred on a harpsichord! 🤘🎶…

И немедленно выпил! Новогоднее, ик, поздравление от Ангуса (группа Tornado)
Videos

И немедленно выпил! Новогоднее, ик, поздравление от Ангуса (группа Tornado)

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 30, 2025

Поздравление с Новым годом это всегда важно. И профессионально! Поэтому-то мы отправились на поклон к Великому и Ужасному Ангусу, дабы…

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Slams Other Bands’ Farewell Tours Like a Thrash Riff to the Face
Breaking, Music News

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Slams Other Bands’ Farewell Tours Like a Thrash Riff to the Face

Chord F. DiscordDecember 30, 2025December 30, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Dave Mustaine Announces Retirement… Or Is He Just Tired of Tuning His Guitar? 🚨 In a shocking turn…

JASON MCMASTER REFUSES PANTERA AUDITION, PROVES HE KNOWS WHAT’S BEST FOR MUSIC
Breaking, Music News

JASON MCMASTER REFUSES PANTERA AUDITION, PROVES HE KNOWS WHAT’S BEST FOR MUSIC

Chord F. DiscordDecember 30, 2025December 30, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Jason McMaster Almost Became the Voice of Pantera (But Thankfully Didn’t, Because Chaos Was Already Scheduled) 🚨 In…

NECROBUTCHER Hopes MAYHEM Survives Another Two Decades of Corpse Paint and Chaos
Breaking, Music News

NECROBUTCHER Hopes MAYHEM Survives Another Two Decades of Corpse Paint and Chaos

Chord F. DiscordDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

🎵 When Black Metal Meets Retirement Plans: MAYHEM’s Quest to Outlive Their Fans (and Possibly Themselves) 🧓‍♂️⚰️ In a shocking…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 76 77 78 … 175 Next

Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 28 2026
  • THE ORACLE SPEAKS Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 28 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Deloitte pays 22 million to settle false claims allegations
  • Arte Moreno Finally Arrested For Gross Negligence Of The Los Angeles Angels
  • Molly Hatchet Drops First Album in 16 Years With Dixie Highway

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.