Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Modern Metal

Primal Fear rejects form new band because why not
Breaking, Music News

Primal Fear rejects form new band because why not

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 26, 2026September 26, 2026

In a shocking turn of events that will surely change the course of metal history forever, former PRIMAL FEAR members…

Some Guy Named Prisoner Released By Miley Cyrus Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Some Guy Named Prisoner Released By Miley Cyrus Apparently

Chord F. DiscordAugust 15, 2026August 15, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some nostalgia-tinged, European modern metal goodness? Because I’m not, but here we are.…

Ozzy Fans Desperately Clinging To Hope Of 2027 Ozzfest
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy Fans Desperately Clinging To Hope Of 2027 Ozzfest

Chord F. DiscordAugust 3, 2026August 3, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some potentially life-changing news? 🤯 I just found out that Sharon Osbourne, the…

Eluveitie side project Illumishade blesses world with generic single Heatwave
Breaking, Music News

Eluveitie side project Illumishade blesses world with generic single Heatwave

Chord F. DiscordJuly 18, 2026July 18, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some seriously heavy stuff? 🤯 ILLUMISHADE just dropped their new single “Heatwave” and…

Anthrax teams up with Z2 because you clearly didnt have enough anthrax in your life
Breaking, Music News

Anthrax teams up with Z2 because you clearly didnt have enough anthrax in your life

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤯 I just found out that thrash metal legends ANTHRAX…

COREY TAYLOR Still Traumatized By SLIPKNOTs 1996 Show
Breaking, Music News

COREY TAYLOR Still Traumatized By SLIPKNOTs 1996 Show

Chord F. DiscordJuly 8, 2026July 8, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for a blast from the past? 🤯 Because Corey Taylor just spilled the beans…

Modern Metal Fans in the Comments Be Like 💀
Videos

Modern Metal Fans in the Comments Be Like 💀

Chuck B. BallsyJune 24, 2026

Meanwhile, I'm just enjoying the show Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan…

Breaking News: Some Band You’ve Never Heard Of Called DOLIA Released a New Song Called ‘Duet’ and Honestly Who Cares
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: Some Band You’ve Never Heard Of Called DOLIA Released a New Song Called ‘Duet’ and Honestly Who Cares

Chord F. DiscordJune 15, 2026June 15, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic symphonic metal? 🤘 Because I’m about to introduce you to the…

XANDRIA Finally Decides to Release Some Actual Music Instead of Just Reheating the Same Old Power Ballads for the 12 People Who Still Listen to Symphonic Metal ‘Colours’ Single Dropping Like a Hot Potato From Upcoming ‘Eclipse’ Album Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway
Breaking, Music News

XANDRIA Finally Decides to Release Some Actual Music Instead of Just Reheating the Same Old Power Ballads for the 12 People Who Still Listen to Symphonic Metal ‘Colours’ Single Dropping Like a Hot Potato From Upcoming ‘Eclipse’ Album Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway

Chord F. DiscordJune 2, 2026June 2, 2026

🎸👀 Get ready for the most epic symphonic metal album of the century! 🎶🔥 German symphonic metallers XANDRIA will release…

DARKEST HOUR Still Trying To Make It Big After All These Years To Begin Recording 11th Studio Album With Producer MARK LEWIS In May Because 10 Wasnt Enough
Breaking News: DARKEST HOUR to Release New Album, World Still Spinning 🌎🎸
Breaking, Music News

DARKEST HOUR Still Trying To Make It Big After All These Years To Begin Recording 11th Studio Album With Producer MARK LEWIS In May Because 10 Wasnt Enough

Chord F. DiscordApril 23, 2026April 23, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Washington D.C. metallers DARKEST HOUR have announced that they will be entering the studio…

Posts pagination

1 2 Next

Latest posts

  • Dolly Parton Musical Unveils Star Studded Cast And Free Tickets
  • Donnie Darko’s Iconic Rabbit Remains Cultural Phenomenon Years Later
  • Slash Unleashes New Album and Tour with Myles Kennedy
  • NVIDIA democratizes AI overkill with slightly less absurd DGX Spark option
  • Gypsy Rose’s boyfriend calls it quits on life at 34

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.