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Tag: News

“From Croquet to Chaos: Bethesda’s Teatime Tranquility Terminated by Bolton’s Bombshell FBI Bash | CNN’s Political Prattle”
Elephant Reads CNN

“From Croquet to Chaos: Bethesda’s Teatime Tranquility Terminated by Bolton’s Bombshell FBI Bash | CNN’s Political Prattle”

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Oh, the drama! The Deep State is at it again, folks! They raided John Bolton’s house! Can you believe it?…

Netflix Ruins Childhoods With New Splinter Cell: Deathwatch Trailer and October Release Date
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

Netflix Ruins Childhoods With New Splinter Cell: Deathwatch Trailer and October Release Date

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Alright, listen up, gamers and weebs! Netflix, in its infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), decided to grace us with a…

Ninja Gaiden: Ragequit? More Like Ninja Gaiden: Get Good (Noob) Patch is Here with “Fixes”
Breaking, Games News

Ninja Gaiden: Ragequit? More Like Ninja Gaiden: Get Good (Noob) Patch is Here with “Fixes”

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

So, Dotemu and The Game Kitchen, bless their cotton socks, dropped a “major” update for Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound. I use…

OMG! Pokémon Legends: Z-A Trailer Just Dropped a Mega Victreebel That’ll Haunt Your Nightmares!
Breaking, Games News

OMG! Pokémon Legends: Z-A Trailer Just Dropped a Mega Victreebel That’ll Haunt Your Nightmares!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Oh, honey, look! 💅 Another Pokémon game? 🙄 As if we needed more excuses to avoid real-world responsibilities. Pokémon Legends:…

FBI Raids Bolton’s House: World Shaken, Hawks Feathered
Elephant Reads CNN

FBI Raids Bolton’s House: World Shaken, Hawks Feathered

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Oh, the Swamp is Getting Drained! The FBI, under the watchful eye of Director Kash Patel, raided Never-Trumper John Bolton’s…

Brent Hinds’ Untimely Departure: Atlanta’s Music Scene Weeps (Or Maybe Just Has Allergies)
Breaking, Music News

Brent Hinds’ Untimely Departure: Atlanta’s Music Scene Weeps (Or Maybe Just Has Allergies)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Atlanta News First, purveyors of the finest clickbait, have graced us with a video report on the totally unexpected demise…

Rubio, bless his heart, reaffirms Trump’s maybe-sort-of-kinda Ukraine promise, but hey, Europe, you got this, right
Elephant Reads CNN

Rubio, bless his heart, reaffirms Trump’s maybe-sort-of-kinda Ukraine promise, but hey, Europe, you got this, right

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Ah, yes, more news about Ukraine and Russia. It seems even after all these years, the liberals can’t get enough…

Brent Hinds, Who Used To Shred for MASTODON, Now Shredded by Motorcycle
Breaking, Music News

Brent Hinds, Who Used To Shred for MASTODON, Now Shredded by Motorcycle

Chord F. DiscordAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

So, apparently, according to Atlanta News First (who we totally trust, BTW 😉), Brent Hinds, ex-guitarist from that band your…

Trump Gets a Get-Out-of-Fraud-Free Card From NY Court
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gets a Get-Out-of-Fraud-Free Card From NY Court

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Ok. Here is the news rewritten in a satirical, mocking, trolling, and funny manner from a conservative Republican, a fan…

Hollow Knight: Silksong Drops Soon (Maybe), After Just a Casual 6 Years of Radio Silence
Breaking, Games News

Hollow Knight: Silksong Drops Soon (Maybe), After Just a Casual 6 Years of Radio Silence

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Get ready, folks, because Team Cherry, those mythical beings who’ve been promising us Hollow Knight: Silksong since the dawn of…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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