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Tag: News

Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance Now Haunts Your Switch 2 Like a Ghost with a Grudge
Breaking, Games News

Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance Now Haunts Your Switch 2 Like a Ghost with a Grudge

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 9, 2026January 9, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: The Holy Grail of Fire Emblem Has Finally Descended From Its GameCube Altar… But Only If You Own…

LITA FORD Hopes To Release Her Long-Awaited New LP By May 2026: ‘The Whole Album Is A Theme’, She Says
Breaking

LITA FORD Hopes To Release Her Long-Awaited New LP By May 2026: ‘The Whole Album Is A Theme’, She Says

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 9, 2026January 9, 2026

🎸 Lita Ford: The Queen of Rock’s 2026 Album Release Is Coming… Or Is It? Spoiler: It’s Not. But the…

ICE Officer Who Shot Woman in Minneapolis Previously Dragged by Suspect in Traffic Stop—Still Collecting a Badge
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Officer Who Shot Woman in Minneapolis Previously Dragged by Suspect in Traffic Stop—Still Collecting a Badge

Big ElephantJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

Just When You Thought ICE Wasn’t Tough Enough, an Agent Gets Dragged By a Car—Then Shoots a Lady for Not…

Xbox Developer Direct January 22: Where Fable Finally Shows Up to Its Own Party and Brings Snacks
Breaking, Games News

Xbox Developer Direct January 22: Where Fable Finally Shows Up to Its Own Party and Brings Snacks

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨BREAKING: Microsoft Announces New Xbox Developer Direct, Promising More Games, More Hype, and at Least One More Delay🚨 🎮💸 In…

MAYHEM’s ATTILA CSIHAR Says He Wasn’t Even Mad When Euronymous Turned Into a Human Pizza
Breaking, Music News

MAYHEM’s ATTILA CSIHAR Says He Wasn’t Even Mad When Euronymous Turned Into a Human Pizza

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

When Black Metal Wasn’t Just a Music Genre, But a Full-Time Contact Sport 🎸🔪 Ah, the early ’90s—back when Norwegian…

The Elder Scrolls Online Announces 2026 Seasonal Model Because Paying for One Expansion Was Clearly Too Easy
Breaking, Games News

The Elder Scrolls Online Announces 2026 Seasonal Model Because Paying for One Expansion Was Clearly Too Easy

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: The Elder Scrolls Online Just Dumped Its Entire Identity and Replaced It With a Loot Box Casino 🎰💥…

DHS: Woman Tried to Turn ICE Officers Into Roadkill in Minneapolis, Then Things Got Bullet-y
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

DHS: Woman Tried to Turn ICE Officers Into Roadkill in Minneapolis, Then Things Got Bullet-y

Big ElephantJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

President Trump, the undisputed king of truth and justice, has once again proven why he’s the only one who can…

Discord Secretly Files For IPO Because Nothing Says ‘We Hate Our Users’ Like Going Public
Breaking, Games News

Discord Secretly Files For IPO Because Nothing Says ‘We Hate Our Users’ Like Going Public

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Discord Finally Decides to Monetize Your Existence – IPO Filing Reportedly Drops While You Argue About Cat Pics…

US Job Market Finally Realizes Everyone Was Just Faking Productivity All Along
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Job Market Finally Realizes Everyone Was Just Faking Productivity All Along

Big ElephantJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

More Bad News from the Socialist Economy: Job Market Collapses as Bidenomics and Kamala’s Policies Push Americans Out of Work…

Business Acquisition Lunch & Learn: Where Sandwiches Are Served and Companies Are Devoured
Live

Business Acquisition Lunch & Learn: Where Sandwiches Are Served and Companies Are Devoured

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 7, 2026

🥸 Tired of your 9-5 soul-crushing gig? Good news! You too can drown in debt and existential dread by buying…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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