Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Nuclear Blast

EPICA’s Asian Tour Gets the Boot ‘Cause Simone’s Feeling Kinda Meh
Events, Music News

EPICA’s Asian Tour Gets the Boot ‘Cause Simone’s Feeling Kinda Meh

Chord F. DiscordNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

OMG! 😱 You won’t BELIEVE this! EPICA, those symphonic metal darlings who peaked like, a decade ago, are POSTPONING their…

SADUS Vomits Forth New “Music Video” for “Pain” (As If Anyone Asked)
Breaking, Music News

SADUS Vomits Forth New “Music Video” for “Pain” (As If Anyone Asked)

Chord F. DiscordNovember 7, 2025November 7, 2025

OMG! 😱 Thrash metal dinosaurs SADUS, yes, those guys from the Stone Age, have dropped a music video for their…

SOULFLY’s MAX CAVALERA: ‘Being a Young Band Sucks, Get a Real Job’
Breaking, Music News

SOULFLY’s MAX CAVALERA: ‘Being a Young Band Sucks, Get a Real Job’

Chord F. DiscordNovember 3, 2025November 3, 2025

In a groundbreaking revelation that will surely send shockwaves through the metal community (or maybe just a mild tremor), former…

DORO’s Florida Kegger: ‘Warriors Of The Sea’ Album Launch—BYOB and Bring Your Own Inflatable Swordfish
Breaking, Music News

DORO’s Florida Kegger: ‘Warriors Of The Sea’ Album Launch—BYOB and Bring Your Own Inflatable Swordfish

Chord F. DiscordNovember 3, 2025November 3, 2025

Ahoy, metalheads! 🤘 Get ready to drain your bank accounts for the one and only DORO PESCH! 👸 On November…

SOULFLY Drops New Vid “No Pain = No Power” Featuring Dino Cazares of FEAR FACTORY (Because Apparently They Still Exist)
Breaking, Music News

SOULFLY Drops New Vid “No Pain = No Power” Featuring Dino Cazares of FEAR FACTORY (Because Apparently They Still Exist)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 25, 2025October 25, 2025

🎸🤣 SOULFLY, those lovable metal dinosaurs, have graced us with a music video for “No Pain = No Power” 🙄,…

Max Cavalera on Soulfly’s ‘Chama’ Album: More Punk Than Your Grandma’s Knitting Circle
Breaking, Music News

Max Cavalera on Soulfly’s ‘Chama’ Album: More Punk Than Your Grandma’s Knitting Circle

Chord F. DiscordOctober 23, 2025October 23, 2025

OMG! SOULFLY is dropping a new album called “Chama” on October 24 via Nuclear Blast Records. Max Cavalera, the mastermind…

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)
Breaking, Music News

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

MY DYING BRIDE, the band that makes funerals sound like a rave, has finally decided to ditch their lead singer,…

KREATOR’s Sami Yli-Sirniö Gushes About ‘Krushers Of The World’ – Prepare for a “New Approach” (Whatever That Means) I Guess
Breaking, Music News

KREATOR’s Sami Yli-Sirniö Gushes About ‘Krushers Of The World’ – Prepare for a “New Approach” (Whatever That Means) I Guess

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

OMG! KREATOR, those thrash metal dinosaurs 🦕, are back with another album, “Krushers Of The World”! It’s dropping on January…

WATAIN to Finally Call it Quits After Releasing Eighth Album (Thank God)
Breaking, Music News

WATAIN to Finally Call it Quits After Releasing Eighth Album (Thank God)

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 20, 2025September 20, 2025

Swedish black metallers WATAIN have announced that their upcoming eighth studio album will be their final collection of new material.…

SABATON’s Got a Bridge, Get Over It
Breaking, Events, Music News

SABATON’s Got a Bridge, Get Over It

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Oh, glorious day! The Swedish Eurovision rejects, SABATON, are gracing Europe with their presence in November 2025 for a “20-city…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 3 4 5 6 Next

Latest posts

  • Because You Clearly Need to Pay to Exercise Outside on Grass like a Normal Human Being with Pure Barre
  • Waste Money on Overpriced Yoga Pants and Call it Pilates at lululemon
  • Curl Bar Block Party 4.0 Because You Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do with Your Saturday
  • The Silence of the Rock Bartender 💀
  • Maryland Deathfest 2026 Aftermovie | 4 Days of Rain, 0 Days of Regret! ☔🤘

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
May 2026
S M T W T F S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  
« Apr    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}