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Tag: president

Trump’s “Are You Even American?” Voting Order Gets Epicly Blocked by Judge
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s “Are You Even American?” Voting Order Gets Epicly Blocked by Judge

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Another day, another Obama-appointed judge (quelle surprise!) kneecapping President Trump’s efforts to MAGA. This time, Judge Denise Casper—probably a secret…

Florida Sheriff Threatens to Send Protesters to the Shadow Realm, No Cap
Elephant Reads CNN

Florida Sheriff Threatens to Send Protesters to the Shadow Realm, No Cap

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

More like temper tantrums than protests! These snowflakes can’t handle a secure border. Attorney General Uthmeier is right; time for…

Oops! Did Israel Just Give Trump the Middle Finger? Iran Strike Drama!
Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! Did Israel Just Give Trump the Middle Finger? Iran Strike Drama!

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 12, 2025

Oh, the Deep State shenanigans never end! CNN, still crying over spilled milk, reports that Israel dared to defend itself…

Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s Lawyers Throw Shade, Demand Trump Admin Get a Timeout
Elephant Reads CNN

Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s Lawyers Throw Shade, Demand Trump Admin Get a Timeout

Big ElephantJune 12, 2025June 12, 2025

Another day, another leftist conspiracy theory bites the dust! CNN is clutching its pearls because the Trump administration supposedly didn’t…

VR Headset Makes Kid Commit Yeet Mom
Elephant Reads CNN

VR Headset Makes Kid Commit Yeet Mom

Big ElephantJune 12, 2025June 12, 2025

Oh, Milwaukee, Milwaukee. What’s next? A 10-year-old commie, probably raised on soy milk and socialist propaganda, shoots his mom because…

GUNS N’ ROSES Announce Fall 2025 Tour Dates (Get Ready to Wait, Again)
Breaking, Music News

GUNS N’ ROSES Announce Fall 2025 Tour Dates (Get Ready to Wait, Again)

Chord F. DiscordJune 7, 2025June 6, 2025

OMG! 😱 Guns N’ Roses, those geriatric rockers 👴🎸, are apparently still alive and kicking (or at least, attempting to).…

Red Bull’s Tetris Tournament: Sign Up and Prepare to Lose Horribly
Breaking, Games News

Red Bull’s Tetris Tournament: Sign Up and Prepare to Lose Horribly

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 6, 2025June 6, 2025

Okay, so apparently, it’s World Tetris Day. 🎉 I didn’t even know that was a thing. But hey, who am…

OMG! Nintendo Switch 2 Launching in 2 Days – Get Ready for Disappointment!
Breaking

OMG! Nintendo Switch 2 Launching in 2 Days – Get Ready for Disappointment!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 3, 2025June 3, 2025

Oh, sweet baby Nintendo is ALMOST here! 😭 To prepare for the glorious launch of the Nintendo Switch 2 (or…

US Institute of Peace: From Serious to Seriously Doge-ified, Security Chief Howls
Breaking

US Institute of Peace: From Serious to Seriously Doge-ified, Security Chief Howls

FinnJune 3, 2025June 3, 2025

In March, the self-proclaimed “geniuses” 🧠 from DOGE, led by the ever-stable 🤪 and totally-not-erratic Elon Musk’s Department of Government…

3 HBO/Max Movies So Bad They’re Good (Or Maybe Just Bad), Watch at Your Own Risk
Breaking

3 HBO/Max Movies So Bad They’re Good (Or Maybe Just Bad), Watch at Your Own Risk

FinnMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

The end of May usually means a few things: school is ending, work vacations are happening, and there are tons…

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Latest posts

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  • Marvel’s Wolverine – Get Ready for Another Overhyped Game with Too Many Quick Time Events and a Storyline That’s Just an Excuse for More Mindless Hack and Slash Action
  • Get Ready to Have Your Mind Blown by the Most Epic Guitar Solo Documentary of the Century Featuring the Legendary Peter Frampton Whose Guitar Still Works Better Than Your Love Life
  • Oh Boy Get Ready for Another Soul Sucking Mobile Game Pokémon Champions Is Finally Coming to Ruin Your Life on Android and iOS on June 17

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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