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Tag: prison

Kilmar Abrego Garcia Still Living Rent-Free in Jail
Elephant Reads CNN

Kilmar Abrego Garcia Still Living Rent-Free in Jail

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Another day, another open border fiasco courtesy of the radical Left! Kilmar Abrego Garcia, a suspected human smuggler, might just…

Texas Track Meet Turns into a Real-Life Episode of ’13 Reasons Why’
Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Track Meet Turns into a Real-Life Episode of ’13 Reasons Why’

Big ElephantJune 25, 2025June 24, 2025

Another day, another tragedy in the once-great state of Texas! But let’s not kid ourselves, folks. This isn’t just some…

VR Headset Makes Kid Commit Yeet Mom
Elephant Reads CNN

VR Headset Makes Kid Commit Yeet Mom

Big ElephantJune 12, 2025June 12, 2025

Oh, Milwaukee, Milwaukee. What’s next? A 10-year-old commie, probably raised on soy milk and socialist propaganda, shoots his mom because…

Pet Shop Boys to Play Somber Gig for Dead Guy No One Can Pronounce
Breaking

Pet Shop Boys to Play Somber Gig for Dead Guy No One Can Pronounce

Chord F. DiscordJune 4, 2025June 4, 2025

In a shocking turn of events that NO ONE saw coming, the Pet Shop Boys, those purveyors of vaguely melancholic…

3 Forgotten Flops You Can Hate-Watch in June 2025
Breaking

3 Forgotten Flops You Can Hate-Watch in June 2025

FinnJune 4, 2025June 3, 2025

If you’re desperately clawing for something to watch and have exhausted every cat video on YouTube, “Watch With Us” is…

Weinstein’s Lawyer Says Women May Have Exaggerated…Just a Tad
Breaking

Weinstein’s Lawyer Says Women May Have Exaggerated…Just a Tad

FinnJune 3, 2025June 3, 2025

In a shocking turn of events that nobody saw coming (except maybe Harvey himself), Harvey Weinstein’s lawyer, probably paid in…

Stephen King Movies: According to This Guy (Who Thinks He’s a Critic)
Breaking

Stephen King Movies: According to This Guy (Who Thinks He’s a Critic)

FinnMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

Oh, sweet merciful crap, another Stephen King adaptation? 🙄 As if we needed more nightmare fuel for our already messed-up…

Burton C. Bell Admits He’s Allergic to Albums, Prefers Lonely Singles Instead
Breaking

Burton C. Bell Admits He’s Allergic to Albums, Prefers Lonely Singles Instead

Chord F. DiscordMay 27, 2025May 27, 2025

So, Burton C. Bell, the guy who used to scream about robots and industrial nightmares, but now screams about…well, himself,…

AS I LAY DYING: The “We Swear We’re Not Still Canceled” European Tour 2025 (Maybe)
Breaking

AS I LAY DYING: The “We Swear We’re Not Still Canceled” European Tour 2025 (Maybe)

Chord F. DiscordMay 21, 2025May 21, 2025

Okay, buckle up buttercups, because your favorite band of reformed (debatable) metalcore mayhem, AS I LAY DYING, is back! And…

LORNA SHORE: New Album
Breaking

LORNA SHORE: New Album

Chord F. DiscordMay 16, 2025May 16, 2025

OMG! LORNA SHORE is gracing us with their presence in 2025! Prepare yourselves, mortals, for the sonic apocalypse! 🤘 They’re…

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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