Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Scorpions

Judas Priest’s Rob Halford, the Metal God, spills the tea on Ozzy’s impending doom
Breaking, Music News

Judas Priest’s Rob Halford, the Metal God, spills the tea on Ozzy’s impending doom

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

So, like, Rob Halford, the Metal God (yeah, right 😂), sat down with some dude named Jonathan Clarke on some…

DORO Drowns In New Music Video For ‘Warriors Of The Kiddie Pool’
Breaking, Music News

DORO Drowns In New Music Video For ‘Warriors Of The Kiddie Pool’

Chord F. DiscordAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

Doro Pesch, the undisputed German metal queen (according to her PR team, at least), has unleashed upon the world the…

Roger Glover of Deep Purple ADMITS He Didn’t Bother Listening To Black Sabbath Much Because Doom Is A Buzzkill For Him
Breaking, Music News

Roger Glover of Deep Purple ADMITS He Didn’t Bother Listening To Black Sabbath Much Because Doom Is A Buzzkill For Him

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

In a recent, earth-shattering 🤯 interview with Barry Robinson of Classic Album Review (because, you know, we *really* needed his…

Brendan Fraser Blames Everyone But Himself For ‘The Mummy’ Reboot Flop, More At 11
Breaking, Movie News

Brendan Fraser Blames Everyone But Himself For ‘The Mummy’ Reboot Flop, More At 11

FinnJuly 10, 2025July 10, 2025

Brendan Fraser, the king of charmingly awkward adventure, thinks Tom Cruise’s The Mummy (aka the one we all pretend didn’t…

Scorpions Biopic ‘Wind Of Change’: Prepare to be blown away (by boredom)
Breaking, Music News

Scorpions Biopic ‘Wind Of Change’: Prepare to be blown away (by boredom)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 6, 2025July 6, 2025

OMG! 😱 A trailer just dropped for Wind Of Change, the Scorpions biopic, filmed at Warner Bros. Studios Leavesden in…

DORO Drips Out Another Banger: “Warriors of the Sea” Will Cure Your Depression (Probably)
Breaking

DORO Drips Out Another Banger: “Warriors of the Sea” Will Cure Your Depression (Probably)

Chord F. DiscordMay 23, 2025May 23, 2025

OMG! Doro Pesch, the self-proclaimed German metal queen (more like metal court jester, amirite? 😂), has graced us with a…

DORO, Queen of Leather & Surprisingly Buoyant Seafaring Anthems, Drops New Banger This Friday (Prepare to Be Seasick)
Breaking

DORO, Queen of Leather & Surprisingly Buoyant Seafaring Anthems, Drops New Banger This Friday (Prepare to Be Seasick)

Chord F. DiscordMay 21, 2025May 21, 2025

Okay, so apparently the “Metal Queen” Doro Pesch (who?) is dropping a new single called “Warriors Of The Sea” this…

Klaus Meine says Scorpions are too busy napping to sting us with new tunes 😴🎸.
Breaking

Klaus Meine says Scorpions are too busy napping to sting us with new tunes 😴🎸.

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 The Scorpions, those geriatric rock gods, are STILL alive and kicking…mostly! Klaus Meine, Rudolf Schenker, and Matthias Jabs…

Witness the Metalpocalypse: Exodus and Death Angel’s Singer Butcher a Scorpions Tune in Anaheim 🤘😂🎸🎤🔥
Breaking

Witness the Metalpocalypse: Exodus and Death Angel’s Singer Butcher a Scorpions Tune in Anaheim 🤘😂🎸🎤🔥

Chord F. DiscordApril 28, 2025April 28, 2025

🤣OMG! Did anyone actually SEE this?! DEATH ANGEL’s resident screamer, Mark Osegueda, apparently thought it was a good idea to…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 2

Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 22 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 22 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 22 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald posts on Truth Social from August 22 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 22 2026

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.