Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Scorpions

DORO drops obligatory uplifting single because your aunt needs new music for her book club
Breaking, Music News

DORO drops obligatory uplifting single because your aunt needs new music for her book club

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2026October 16, 2026

Wow, just what we’ve all been waiting for – more Doro Pesch music! 🤩 I mean, who doesn’t need a…

UFO Drummer Andy Parker Still Hasnt Run Out of Money To Tour With tribute band
Breaking, Music News

UFO Drummer Andy Parker Still Hasnt Run Out of Money To Tour With tribute band

Chord F. DiscordAugust 10, 2026August 10, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some mind-blowing news? 🤯 I just found out that LIGHTS OUT – A…

Vandenbergs 50th Anniversary Album Will Definitely Not Be A Cash Grab
Breaking, Music News

Vandenbergs 50th Anniversary Album Will Definitely Not Be A Cash Grab

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2026July 26, 2026

Oh boy, are you ready for some epic news? 🤩 Adrian Vandenberg, the legendary guitarist of WHITESNAKE, is planning to…

Alex Skolnick Thinks Angus Young Is Good Or Something
Breaking, Music News

Alex Skolnick Thinks Angus Young Is Good Or Something

Chord F. DiscordJuly 13, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some seriously mind-blowing news? 🤯 I just found out that Alex Skolnick, the…

William Shatner to Embark on Ambitious Live Tour Because You Clearly Needed This in Your Life
Breaking News: William Shatner to Unleash Heavy Metal Chaos on the World, Because Why Not? 🤯
Breaking, Music News

William Shatner to Embark on Ambitious Live Tour Because You Clearly Needed This in Your Life

Chord F. DiscordJune 24, 2026June 24, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my shirt while reading that William Shatner, the 95-year-old legend behind Captain James…

ACCEPT Drops Earth Shattering Masterpiece ‘Fast As A Shark’ Featuring Random Music Legends They Found In Their Attic PHILIP ANSELMO, KIRK HAMMETT, BILLY SHEEHAN, MIKKEY DEE
Breaking, Music News

ACCEPT Drops Earth Shattering Masterpiece ‘Fast As A Shark’ Featuring Random Music Legends They Found In Their Attic PHILIP ANSELMO, KIRK HAMMETT, BILLY SHEEHAN, MIKKEY DEE

Chord F. DiscordJune 2, 2026June 2, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤩🎸 German/American heavy metal legends ACCEPT are celebrating 50 years…

OMG You Won’t Believe Who’s Banging Away on Drums for ACCEPT Now It’s None Other Than Ex-MEGADETH Superstar SHAWN DROVER Who Clearly Ran Out of Other Bands to Play For
Get ready for some face-melting, ear-shattering, and jaw-dropping news, metalheads! 🤯🎸🔥
Breaking, Music News

OMG You Won’t Believe Who’s Banging Away on Drums for ACCEPT Now It’s None Other Than Ex-MEGADETH Superstar SHAWN DROVER Who Clearly Ran Out of Other Bands to Play For

Chord F. DiscordMay 4, 2026May 4, 2026

The one and only Shawn Drover, former drummer of MEGADETH, has joined forces with the legendary ACCEPT as a “special…

KLAUS MEINE: ‘SCORPIONS Still Rock Live, Even Though We’re Basically Fossils Now’
Breaking, Music News

KLAUS MEINE: ‘SCORPIONS Still Rock Live, Even Though We’re Basically Fossils Now’

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 22, 2026February 22, 2026

SCORPIONS are proving that rock ‘n’ roll truly never dies—it just books extended stays in Las Vegas. Klaus Meine and…

BREAKING: Old Dude From Whitesnake Finally Realizes He’s Old, Quits
Breaking, Music News

BREAKING: Old Dude From Whitesnake Finally Realizes He’s Old, Quits

Chord F. DiscordNovember 13, 2025November 13, 2025

OMG! 😱 David Coverdale, the dude who basically invented hairspray and skintight jeans, has officially retired! 👴🎸 Say it ain’t…

DORO’s Florida Kegger: ‘Warriors Of The Sea’ Album Launch—BYOB and Bring Your Own Inflatable Swordfish
Breaking, Music News

DORO’s Florida Kegger: ‘Warriors Of The Sea’ Album Launch—BYOB and Bring Your Own Inflatable Swordfish

Chord F. DiscordNovember 3, 2025November 3, 2025

Ahoy, metalheads! 🤘 Get ready to drain your bank accounts for the one and only DORO PESCH! 👸 On November…

Posts pagination

1 2 Next

Latest posts

  • LEGALIZER: Sock‑Sandwich Gets the Federal Grandstand
  • Family Shooting Survival Streak Continues Uninterrupted For Generations Apparently
  • GOP Spends Big on Crime Ads Without Victims’ Consent Apparently
  • War Remains Trump’s Playground Regardless Of Midterm Outcome
  • Federal Judge To Trump Admin: Stop Guessing Who’s Not American

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.