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Tag: Shopping

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Big Tech has finally invented the perfect device for people who think walking into traffic while staring at their phones…

Travel Bags: For When You Want to Look Like You Have Your Life Together; Fashion Crimes: Don’t Become a Victim; Pie Wars: The Sweetest Battle
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Travel Bags: For When You Want to Look Like You Have Your Life Together; Fashion Crimes: Don’t Become a Victim; Pie Wars: The Sweetest Battle

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Welcome to 5 Things PM, where we dissect the liberal lunacy of the day! Americans, bless their hearts, are bracing…

“It’s a Wonderful Life” or “How to Guilt-Trip People into Donating to a Food Pantry”
Live

“It’s a Wonderful Life” or “How to Guilt-Trip People into Donating to a Food Pantry”

Chuck B. BallsyNovember 23, 2025

OMG! 🙄 “It’s A Wonderful Life” 😇 screening after Black Friday shopping! 🛍️💸 An angel 👼 shows a businessman 💼…

Black Friday: Bands Battle, You Party (Because Shopping Is So Last Year)
Live

Black Friday: Bands Battle, You Party (Because Shopping Is So Last Year)

Chuck B. BallsyNovember 23, 2025

OMG!😱 The Official Black Friday Bayou Classic Battle of the Bands + Welcome Affair Upscale Alumni After Party is back!…

Limp Bizkit, Geriatric Roses & Linkin Park (w/ Hologram Chester) to Annoy U.K. at Download 2026
Live, Music News

Limp Bizkit, Geriatric Roses & Linkin Park (w/ Hologram Chester) to Annoy U.K. at Download 2026

Chord F. DiscordNovember 3, 2025November 3, 2025

OMG! 😱 Download Festival is back in 2026 as DLXXIII, because apparently, we’re all still alive and kicking… or at…

ChatGPT to become Walmart’s digital bagboy, world officially ending
Elephant Reads CNN

ChatGPT to become Walmart’s digital bagboy, world officially ending

Big ElephantOctober 14, 2025October 14, 2025

Another day, another dollar… or rather, another surveillance partnership! Walmart, in its infinite wisdom (or should I say, desperation), is…

Luc Besson’s “The Big Blue” Drowning in 4K UHD: A Remastered Tragedy
Breaking, Movie News

Luc Besson’s “The Big Blue” Drowning in 4K UHD: A Remastered Tragedy

FinnOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

Luc Besson’s snoozefest, The Big Blue – starring Jean Reno, Jean-Marc Barr (who?) and Rosanna Arquette (remember her?) – is…

OMG, Stars Hollow is totally invading Parker, Colorado!
Live

OMG, Stars Hollow is totally invading Parker, Colorado!

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 6, 2025

**OMG! ☕The Gilmore Girls are invading Downtown Parker, CO!** Prepare for the 25th Anniversary of overpriced coffee, shopping🛍️, and maybe…

ROG Xbox Ally & ROG Xbox Ally X: Prepare to Empty Your Wallets, Simps
Breaking, Games News

ROG Xbox Ally & ROG Xbox Ally X: Prepare to Empty Your Wallets, Simps

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 26, 2025September 26, 2025

Oh, great, another overpriced gadget from ASUS Republic of Gamers! 🙄 They’ve graced us with the pricing for the ROG…

US Government Babies Throw Tantrum, Ban Iranian Diplomats From Bulk Buying at Costco
Elephant Reads CNN

US Government Babies Throw Tantrum, Ban Iranian Diplomats From Bulk Buying at Costco

Big ElephantSeptember 22, 2025September 22, 2025

Another brilliant move by President Trump to stick it to the Mullahs! While the liberal media wrings their hands, our…

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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