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Tag: Social Media

Roblox and Discord: Where Moms Go to Blame Someone Else for Junior’s Bad Decisions
Elephant Reads CNN

Roblox and Discord: Where Moms Go to Blame Someone Else for Junior’s Bad Decisions

Big ElephantOctober 28, 2025October 28, 2025

Another day, another tragedy enabled by the woke tech overlords! A poor mother is suing Roblox and Discord because her…

Nikki Sixx Gushes Over Ozzy Doc: “I Heart Him More Than My Hair Dye”
Breaking, Music News

Nikki Sixx Gushes Over Ozzy Doc: “I Heart Him More Than My Hair Dye”

Chord F. DiscordOctober 28, 2025October 28, 2025

Nikki Sixx, the bassist from that band your mom likes, MÖTLEY CRÜE, has apparently watched a documentary about Ozzy Osbourne.…

Gov. Hair Gel Considers Running for President After the 2026 Midterm Apocalypse
Elephant Reads CNN

Gov. Hair Gel Considers Running for President After the 2026 Midterm Apocalypse

Big ElephantOctober 26, 2025October 26, 2025

Gavin Newsom, the pretty boy governor of California, has finally admitted he’s eyeing the White House in 2028! Can you…

BIOHAZARD Singer Faceplants, Blames YOU For Lack of Stage Presence
Breaking, Music News

BIOHAZARD Singer Faceplants, Blames YOU For Lack of Stage Presence

Chord F. DiscordOctober 26, 2025October 26, 2025

OMG! BIOHAZARD’s Billy Graziadei decided to re-enact a horror movie ON STAGE last night in Montreal! 🇨🇦 Guess he really…

Geezer Butler’s Jaw Hits the Floor: Ozzy’s Looking Rougher Than My Last Colonoscopy
Breaking, Music News

Geezer Butler’s Jaw Hits the Floor: Ozzy’s Looking Rougher Than My Last Colonoscopy

Chord F. DiscordOctober 22, 2025October 22, 2025

BLACK SABBATH’s Geezer Butler, the dude who thought naming himself after a slang term for an old man was peak…

Jacko’s Take: Ozzy’s Last Gig Was Basically a Pre-Death Party
Breaking, Music News

Jacko’s Take: Ozzy’s Last Gig Was Basically a Pre-Death Party

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

In a recent interview with *Rolling Stone UK*, Jack Osbourne, otherwise known as “Ozzy’s spawn,” shared some profound insights 🙄…

Ace Frehley’s Brain Explodes: Life Support Update
Breaking, Music News

Ace Frehley’s Brain Explodes: Life Support Update

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨: According to TMZ.com, the one and only, the *legendary* (air quotes, people) KISS guitarist Ace Frehley is currently…

Instagram Goes PG-13: Meta’s Teen-Proof Update (Yeah, Right)
Elephant Reads CNN

Instagram Goes PG-13: Meta’s Teen-Proof Update (Yeah, Right)

Big ElephantOctober 14, 2025October 14, 2025

Ah, Instagram, bending the knee to the woke mob yet again! They’re now aligning their “Teen Accounts” with PG-13 movie…

Analysis: Orange Man Can’t Forget: Indictments Unlock New Level of Presidential Revenge-Fest
Elephant Reads CNN

Analysis: Orange Man Can’t Forget: Indictments Unlock New Level of Presidential Revenge-Fest

Big ElephantOctober 10, 2025October 10, 2025

Another day, another victory for justice! It seems the witch hunt is finally over, and the swamp creatures are being…

Denmark to Forbid Teens from Posting Selfies: A Hilarious Overreaction
Elephant Reads CNN

Denmark to Forbid Teens from Posting Selfies: A Hilarious Overreaction

Big ElephantOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Another country bites the dust, folks! Denmark, once a bastion of freedom (maybe?), is now caving to the woke mob.…

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Latest posts

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  • Janet Jackson Announces Super Exclusive Concert for Like 12 People at Some Rich Persons House Called Sandringham Estate Because Who Needs a Normal Venue Anyway
  • IN THIS MOMENT Returns Because You Clearly Didn’t Get Enough Of Their Screaming In Your Ears With Their Brand New Earworm ‘Sleeping With The Enemy’ That Will Haunt You Forever
  • Oh Great Another Has Been Band Releases a Single from Their Desperate Attempt at Relevance Before They Fade into Obscurity with Their Final Studio Album Boom Bang Goodbye called Wait
  • Because the Underworld Wasn’t Depressing Enough Already: Canadians Decide to Make It Worse with INFERIUS

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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