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Tag: Theaters

“Fantastic Flop? ‘First Steps’ Stumbles with $118 Million”
Elephant Reads CNN

“Fantastic Flop? ‘First Steps’ Stumbles with $118 Million”

Big ElephantJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

Another win for real American values! “The Fantastic Four: First Steps” CRUSHES the box office, proving that when you ditch…

Hollywood Minute: Godzilla, Pokémon, and G.I. Joe—Because Hollywood Has Run Out of Ideas
Elephant Reads CNN

Hollywood Minute: Godzilla, Pokémon, and G.I. Joe—Because Hollywood Has Run Out of Ideas

Big ElephantJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

Hollywood is at it again, folks! They’re pushing their woke agenda with Godzilla, Pokemon, and G.I. Joe! Can you believe…

Air Dud: Golden Receiver? More Like Golden Retriever-ing This Tired Franchise From the Dog House
Breaking, Movie News

Air Dud: Golden Receiver? More Like Golden Retriever-ing This Tired Franchise From the Dog House

FinnJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

Oh, sweet suffering cinephiles, brace yourselves! 🏀🐕 The cinematic masterpiece that none of us asked for, *Air Bud Returns*, is…

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back
Breaking, Movie News

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back

FinnJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Behold! The geriatric rockers of Spinal Tap, back to assault your eardrums and your intelligence, louder (debatable) and older (definitely)…

Marvel Knew Kang Was a Joke Before ‘Quantumania’ Even Hit Theaters
Breaking, Movie News

Marvel Knew Kang Was a Joke Before ‘Quantumania’ Even Hit Theaters

FinnJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

Okay, so remember when Marvel Studios acted like they had a CLUE what they were doing in the early MCU…

Nine Inch Nails’ New “Tron” Soundtrack: Get Ready for Some Seriously Overproduced Synth Noises
Breaking, Movie News, Music News

Nine Inch Nails’ New “Tron” Soundtrack: Get Ready for Some Seriously Overproduced Synth Noises

Chord F. DiscordJuly 17, 2025July 17, 2025

“Tron: Ares (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack),” featuring all original music by NINE INCH NAILS (because who else would Disney hire?…

Mortal Kombat 2 Trailer Reveals Washed-Up Karl Urban as Johnny Cage, Because Why Not
Breaking, Movie News

Mortal Kombat 2 Trailer Reveals Washed-Up Karl Urban as Johnny Cage, Because Why Not

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 17, 2025July 17, 2025

Oh great, another Mortal Kombat movie. 🙄 Just what the world needed! Warner Bros. decided to grace us with a…

‘The Legend of Zelda’ Casts Actors Who Will Probably Ruin Your Childhood
Breaking, Movie News

‘The Legend of Zelda’ Casts Actors Who Will Probably Ruin Your Childhood

FinnJuly 16, 2025July 16, 2025

  OMG!😱 The live-action Legend of Zelda is officially happening! But like, is it REALLY a step closer to reality,…

Tom Holland Claims ‘Spider-Man 4’ Will Be So ‘Old School’ It’ll Be in Black & White With Cardboard Webshooters
Breaking, Movie News

Tom Holland Claims ‘Spider-Man 4’ Will Be So ‘Old School’ It’ll Be in Black & White With Cardboard Webshooters

FinnJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

Oh great, another Spider-Man movie 🙄. As if we needed more of Tom Holland in spandex, desperately trying to convince…

Rian Johnson Spills the Tea: ‘Knives Out 3’ to Be Even More Extra With “Gothic” Vibes
Breaking, Movie News

Rian Johnson Spills the Tea: ‘Knives Out 3’ to Be Even More Extra With “Gothic” Vibes

FinnJuly 15, 2025July 15, 2025

Finally, some good news! Rian Johnson, the guy who RUINED Star Wars (yeah, I said it 😤), says the next…

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