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Tag: There Will

Uncle Sam Finally Identifies the Guys Who Signed Up for Adventure but Got Ambushed in Syria Instead
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Uncle Sam Finally Identifies the Guys Who Signed Up for Adventure but Got Ambushed in Syria Instead

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

The two US Army soldiers killed in Syria on Saturday were Sgt. Edgar Brian Torres Tovar, 25, of Des Moines,…

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook
Breaking, Music News

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook

Chord F. DiscordDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Move over, history books and science textbooks—there’s a new educational powerhouse in town, and it’s screaming at you in double-blast-beat…

Bullet For My Valentine’s Michael ‘Padge’ Paget Says Their Next Album Is ‘Very Important’ And Also Not A Concept Album About Tax Evasion
Breaking, Music News

Bullet For My Valentine’s Michael ‘Padge’ Paget Says Their Next Album Is ‘Very Important’ And Also Not A Concept Album About Tax Evasion

Chord F. DiscordDecember 13, 2025December 13, 2025

🎸 In a shocking turn of events that NO ONE saw coming (except literally everyone with ears and an internet…

IO Interactive CEO Accidentally Sort Of Maybe Mentions Hitman 4 (But Who Cares? CO-OP IS HERE, BABYYYY)
Breaking, Games News

IO Interactive CEO Accidentally Sort Of Maybe Mentions Hitman 4 (But Who Cares? CO-OP IS HERE, BABYYYY)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

OMG! 😱 You won’t BELIEVE what IO Interactive’s CEO, Hakan Abrak, just said about the future of Hitman! Turns out,…

Limp Bizkit Still Alive, Plays Show After Some Dude Kicks the Bucket
Breaking, Music News

Limp Bizkit Still Alive, Plays Show After Some Dude Kicks the Bucket

Chord F. DiscordNovember 30, 2025November 30, 2025

LIMP BIZKIT, those purveyors of fine nu-metal and questionable fashion choices, graced the stage in Mexico City on Saturday night…

LINKIN PARK’s Dave ‘Phoenix’ Farrell Thinks Comeback’s a Smash Hit, Says Gigs Didn’t Suck Too Bad
Breaking, Music News

LINKIN PARK’s Dave ‘Phoenix’ Farrell Thinks Comeback’s a Smash Hit, Says Gigs Didn’t Suck Too Bad

Chord F. DiscordNovember 30, 2025November 30, 2025

Yo, what up, fellow numb-nuts? 👋 It’s your boy, Dave “Phoenix” Farrell, here to drop some truth bombs about LINKIN…

Breaking: Blind Guardian Bravely Stumbles Through North America in 2025, Kicking Off Tour in Fort Lauderdale Because Why Not
Live, Music News

Breaking: Blind Guardian Bravely Stumbles Through North America in 2025, Kicking Off Tour in Fort Lauderdale Because Why Not

Chord F. DiscordNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

OMG! 😱 The geriatric German power metallers BLIND GUARDIAN, bless their little hobbit hearts, 👴👵 actually dared to kick off…

Justin Long Discovers a Secret So Horrific, It’ll Make You Question Your Life Choices (and Maybe His)
The film does look good, but the trailer could be considered a little spoilery
Breaking, Movie News

Justin Long Discovers a Secret So Horrific, It’ll Make You Question Your Life Choices (and Maybe His)

FinnNovember 18, 2025November 18, 2025

Oh, look, another gritty cop drama where the hero has to team up with the very people he’s sworn to…

Toronto Game Expo 2025: Prepare for Disappointment, Local Gamers/Cosplayers
Games News, Live

Toronto Game Expo 2025: Prepare for Disappointment, Local Gamers/Cosplayers

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 16, 2025November 16, 2025

Oh, honey, the Toronto Game Expo 2025 is back for its fall edition, and guess what? They couldn’t even keep…

SABATON’s New Stage Show: So Big, It Probably Violates Several Building Codes
Live, Music News

SABATON’s New Stage Show: So Big, It Probably Violates Several Building Codes

Chord F. DiscordNovember 15, 2025November 15, 2025

SABATON, those Swedish metallers who haven’t figured out that history is, like, *totally* boring, decided to unleash their “The Legendary…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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