Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: vampire

ROB HALFORD Hits 40 Years Without Booze Because Apparently Even Metal Gods Get Tired of Headbanging Into Walls
Breaking, Music News

ROB HALFORD Hits 40 Years Without Booze Because Apparently Even Metal Gods Get Tired of Headbanging Into Walls

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 6, 2026January 6, 2026

JUDAS PRIEST’s Rob Halford Celebrates 40 Years of Not Dying on a Tour Bus Like a Rock ‘n’ Roll Cliché…

Code Vein II Producer Keita Iizuka Explains How Time Travel Factors In
Breaking, Games News

Code Vein II Producer Keita Iizuka Explains How Time Travel Factors In

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Oh great, another cash grab disguised as “innovation” in gaming. Buckle up, you degenerates, because Bandai Namco just dropped the…

Code Vein II Preview – A Stylish Soulslike That Leans Fully Into Its Anime Excess
Breaking, Games News

Code Vein II Preview – A Stylish Soulslike That Leans Fully Into Its Anime Excess

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Move over, Dark Souls, there’s a new vampire in town, and it’s here to steal your heart—literally. 🧛‍♂️💔 Code Vein…

Pentagon Slashes Mark Kelly’s Pension Because He Dared to Speak Truth to Power (Or Just Made a Video)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pentagon Slashes Mark Kelly’s Pension Because He Dared to Speak Truth to Power (Or Just Made a Video)

Big ElephantJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Trump’s Pentagon Declares War on Retired Navy Captain for Daring to Tell Troops to Obey the Law In a stunning…

Monsters are Coming! Rock & Road Deserves Space in Your Steam Library
Breaking, Games News

Monsters are Coming! Rock & Road Deserves Space in Your Steam Library

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

Move Over, Grandma—The Real Survivors Are Here! Monsters Are Coming! Rock & Road Is the Only Game That Lets You…

How to Monetize Your Players’ Existential Dread: A Guide to the 20-Hour Grind
Breaking, Games News

How to Monetize Your Players’ Existential Dread: A Guide to the 20-Hour Grind

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 23, 2025December 23, 2025

Attention, gamers! The industry is collapsing under the unbearable weight of its own epicness! 🚨 In a stunning turn of…

The Game Awards 2025: Warlock: Dungeons & Dragons, Finally an Original RPG That’s Not a Sequel, Remake, or Reboot
Breaking, Games News

The Game Awards 2025: Warlock: Dungeons & Dragons, Finally an Original RPG That’s Not a Sequel, Remake, or Reboot

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 11, 2025December 11, 2025

Attention, ye brave adventurers! 🗡️ A dire prophecy has been foretold at The Game Awards 2025, and it involves a…

“The Chronology of Water” Trailer: Witness Kristen Stewart Direct Imogen Poots (and Probably Overthink It)
Breaking, Movie News

“The Chronology of Water” Trailer: Witness Kristen Stewart Direct Imogen Poots (and Probably Overthink It)

FinnNovember 22, 2025November 22, 2025

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, another artsy-fartsy film nobody asked for! The Chronology of Water, a cinematic masterpiece (according to who,…

Vampire Crawlers: Yet Another Poncle Game Announced (Yawn) at the Xbox Partner Preview
Breaking, Games News

Vampire Crawlers: Yet Another Poncle Game Announced (Yawn) at the Xbox Partner Preview

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

Okay, so Poncle, the geniuses 🤡 behind the *totally* original game Vampire Survivors (which definitely didn’t borrow from anything else…

Matt Davis’ Table: More Dramatic Than His Acting
Live

Matt Davis’ Table: More Dramatic Than His Acting

Chuck B. BallsyNovember 8, 2025

**Attention, fellow vampire stalkers!🧛‍♂️ Matt Davis aka Alaric Saltzman is gracing us with his presence on Sunday, Nov 9th (times…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 2 3 4 … 7 Next

Latest posts

  • Floor Jansen Ditches Symphonic Stuff For Actual Metal Because You Begged Her To
  • Because The Original Wasnt Traumatizing Enough For Modern Audiences
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Lindsey Graham remains defiant unwavering senator and soldier statesman
  • Mike Browning of Morbid Angel and Nocturnus passes away at 62
  • JAY-Z Returns to Yankee Stadium in Triumphant Homecoming Show

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}