Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Weapons

Trump Eyes 100% Tariffs on Canada Because Apparently They’re Trying to Steal China’s Business Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Eyes 100% Tariffs on Canada Because Apparently They’re Trying to Steal China’s Business Now

Big ElephantJanuary 24, 2026January 24, 2026

Panicky “Governor” Carney Learns a Lesson as President Trump Puts Canada on Notice The Deep State propaganda machine at CNN…

The Oscars Nominations Have Officially Been Released, and the Academy Definitely Did Not Just Google “Famous Actors” This Year
Breaking, Music News

The Oscars Nominations Have Officially Been Released, and the Academy Definitely Did Not Just Google “Famous Actors” This Year

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

🛑 BREAKING: The Oscars Gave Out Nominations Like Candy at a Diabetes Parade 🍬 Ladies, gentlemen, and confused people trying…

Oscars 2026 Nominations: See Which Rich People Will Pretend They Don’t Care About Winning
Breaking, Movie News

Oscars 2026 Nominations: See Which Rich People Will Pretend They Don’t Care About Winning

FinnJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

Buckle up, cinephiles and professional award-watchers, because the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences just dropped its annual list…

Live

Ditch Your Family Traditions for These Corporate Lunar New Year Deals

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 22, 2026

Bring your wallet, but leave your soul-crushing boredom at home! 🐎💸 Thrive City is demanding you “Ring in the Year…

‘God of War’ TV Series Finally Finds Someone Angry Enough to Play Kratos (It’s Some Dude From ‘The Santa Clarita Diet’)
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

‘God of War’ TV Series Finally Finds Someone Angry Enough to Play Kratos (It’s Some Dude From ‘The Santa Clarita Diet’)

FinnJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: It only took them the entire Age of the Ancients, a few cycles of Ragnarok, and probably…

Marvel Rivals Launches Global Pro League Because Apparently 50 Million Players Wasn’t Enough Proof This Game Rocks
Breaking, Movie News

Marvel Rivals Launches Global Pro League Because Apparently 50 Million Players Wasn’t Enough Proof This Game Rocks

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Behold, the glorious dawn of a new era where Marvel characters engage in the ultimate virtual fistfight for our amusement!…

MAYHEM’s ATTILA CSIHAR Says He Wasn’t Even Mad When Euronymous Turned Into a Human Pizza
Breaking, Music News

MAYHEM’s ATTILA CSIHAR Says He Wasn’t Even Mad When Euronymous Turned Into a Human Pizza

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

When Black Metal Wasn’t Just a Music Genre, But a Full-Time Contact Sport 🎸🔪 Ah, the early ’90s—back when Norwegian…

When Lucha Libre Wrestlers Outshine the Actual Drama and Make the Referee Cry
Live

When Lucha Libre Wrestlers Outshine the Actual Drama and Make the Referee Cry

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 6, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Chase Center Announces New Rules to Prevent You from Having Any Fun 🚨 So you thought you could…

Code Vein II Preview – A Stylish Soulslike That Leans Fully Into Its Anime Excess
Breaking, Games News

Code Vein II Preview – A Stylish Soulslike That Leans Fully Into Its Anime Excess

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Move over, Dark Souls, there’s a new vampire in town, and it’s here to steal your heart—literally. 🧛‍♂️💔 Code Vein…

Monsters are Coming! Rock & Road Deserves Space in Your Steam Library
Breaking, Games News

Monsters are Coming! Rock & Road Deserves Space in Your Steam Library

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

Move Over, Grandma—The Real Survivors Are Here! Monsters Are Coming! Rock & Road Is the Only Game That Lets You…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 7 8 9 … 13 Next

Latest posts

  • Tom Waits Drops New Spoken Word Cut The Fly Now Streaming
  • Greta Van Fleet Drops New Single And Album Details Now
  • Fed Admits They Probably Should Have Raised Those Rates Already
  • Rockies Fan Opens Private Tab To Check Score
  • Trump somehow making things worse for Blanche nomination

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}