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Tag: Woke

UPenn to Trans Athletes: “You Can’t Sit With Us” (and Lia Thomas? Never Heard of Her)
Elephant Reads CNN

UPenn to Trans Athletes: “You Can’t Sit With Us” (and Lia Thomas? Never Heard of Her)

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Finally, some sanity prevails, thanks to President Trump’s unwavering commitment to REAL women’s sports! The radical leftist agenda of allowing…

Waffle House Finally Realizes Eggs Aren’t Made of Gold
Elephant Reads CNN

Waffle House Finally Realizes Eggs Aren’t Made of Gold

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Waffle House, that bastion of American values and greasy goodness, has removed its egg surcharge! Is this because of Trump’s…

Asheville, NC: More Like Trashville, LOL! (CNN’s Delusional Tourism Ad)
Elephant Reads CNN

Asheville, NC: More Like Trashville, LOL! (CNN’s Delusional Tourism Ad)

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Asheville, North Carolina, hailed as some kind of hipster paradise by CNN, is apparently on the mend after a hurricane.…

US Senate Decides to Stop Punching AI in the Face, For Now
Elephant Reads CNN

US Senate Decides to Stop Punching AI in the Face, For Now

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Oh, the Senate “voted” 99-1 against something? Sounds like the Deep State is working overtime! They almost unanimously removed a…

Adulting is Hard: Making Bank Moves While the World’s on Fire
Elephant Reads CNN

Adulting is Hard: Making Bank Moves While the World’s on Fire

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

CNN, still peddling their doom and gloom, are at it again! Apparently, the world is ending because you might have…

Senate Pulls All-Nighter for Trump’s “Totally Amazing and Not at All Problematic” Bill
Elephant Reads CNN

Senate Pulls All-Nighter for Trump’s “Totally Amazing and Not at All Problematic” Bill

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Another day, another chance for the Deep State Democrats to try and sabotage our glorious President Trump! They call it…

AMC to Cram Even MORE Ads Down Your Throat Starting Today
Elephant Reads CNN

AMC to Cram Even MORE Ads Down Your Throat Starting Today

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Oh, the horror! More ads at the movies? This is what happens when you let the woke mob run Hollywood!…

Idaho Killer Finally Agrees to a Plea Deal So He Doesn’t Have to Face the Music
Elephant Reads CNN

Idaho Killer Finally Agrees to a Plea Deal So He Doesn’t Have to Face the Music

Big ElephantJune 30, 2025June 30, 2025

Another win for the Deep State! Bryan Kohberger, accused of stabbing four college students, gets a plea deal. Can you…

Starbucks Trembles: China’s Coffee King Has Invaded America
Elephant Reads CNN

Starbucks Trembles: China’s Coffee King Has Invaded America

Big ElephantJune 30, 2025June 30, 2025

Oh, great, more Commie coffee infiltrating our sacred land! Luckin Coffee, the Chinese knock-off that somehow “beat” Starbucks in China…

Warren Buffett Dumps $6B Worth of Berkshire Stocks Like They’re Hot Garbage
Elephant Reads CNN

Warren Buffett Dumps $6B Worth of Berkshire Stocks Like They’re Hot Garbage

Big ElephantJune 30, 2025June 30, 2025

Oh, look, Saint Warren is at it again! Giving away billions like it’s Monopoly money. Of course, it’s all going…

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  • ALICE COOPER Rips A.I to Shreds Because Apparently His Music Wasnt Robotic Enough Already

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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