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Tag: Woke

Elephant Reads CNN

U sure u wanna YouTube?

Big ElephantJune 10, 2025June 11, 2025

“Biden Stumbles Again, Blames Putin (Probably)” Old Joe did it again, folks! This time he tripped over a daisy (probably…

Gamerella’s Mentorship Program: Because Apparently Games Weren’t Confusing Enough Already
Breaking, Events

Gamerella’s Mentorship Program: Because Apparently Games Weren’t Confusing Enough Already

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 31, 2025May 31, 2025

Oh, look, another “nonprofit” swooping in to “save” the gaming industry! 🙄 GAMERella, bless their little hearts, is launching a…

OMG, Is Hunter Schafer About To Bless (Ruin?) The New Zelda Movie?
Breaking

OMG, Is Hunter Schafer About To Bless (Ruin?) The New Zelda Movie?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Apparently, Hollywood is officially out of ideas, folks! They’re “considering” Hunter Schafer for Princess Zelda in the upcoming…

The Wire Actor’s Kid Does Extreme Skydiving, Blames Tornado
Breaking

The Wire Actor’s Kid Does Extreme Skydiving, Blames Tornado

FinnMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

OMG! 🚨 Poot from “The Wire” (yeah, that’s all he’s ever done) claims a tornado demolished his house in Georgia!…

Oh Great, Another Witch Flick: Joey King Might Ruin ‘Practical Magic’
Breaking

Oh Great, Another Witch Flick: Joey King Might Ruin ‘Practical Magic’

FinnMay 26, 2025May 26, 2025

Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the cinematic dumpster fire that is…*drumroll*…’Practical Magic 2′! 🧙‍♀️🔮…

Oh Great, Another One: Carey Mulligan Ruining Narnia, Probably
Breaking

Oh Great, Another One: Carey Mulligan Ruining Narnia, Probably

FinnMay 22, 2025May 22, 2025

OMG! Greta Gerwig, fresh off her *Barbie* success (because apparently, that’s the only thing she’s ever done now), is apparently…

AI’s Global Supply Chain: Is Your Toaster Obeys Ethical Guidelines?
Events

AI’s Global Supply Chain: Is Your Toaster Obeys Ethical Guidelines?

Chuck B. BallsyMay 19, 2025

AI is Racist, Data Centers Steal Water, More at Milan Seminar! AI perpetuates colonial logic and structural discrimination, says the…

FOO FIGHTERS KICK OUT JOSH FREESE?! He’s TOTALLY FINE GUYS, Just Mildly Annoyed They Replaced Him With a Drum Machine
Breaking

FOO FIGHTERS KICK OUT JOSH FREESE?! He’s TOTALLY FINE GUYS, Just Mildly Annoyed They Replaced Him With a Drum Machine

Chord F. DiscordMay 16, 2025May 16, 2025

Drummer Josh Freese has been FIRED from the FOO FIGHTERS! 🤣 Did anyone actually notice he was even *in* the…

Ubisoft Toronto Accidentally Unlocks Its Doors, Celebrates 15 Years of… Something
Breaking

Ubisoft Toronto Accidentally Unlocks Its Doors, Celebrates 15 Years of… Something

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

Ah, Ubisoft Toronto, bless their hearts. 🙄 They’re opening their doors for Doors Open Toronto to celebrate… wait for it……

Oh great, another director for the X-Men? 🙄 Prepare for more of the same, folks! 🍿🎬
Breaking

Oh great, another director for the X-Men? 🙄 Prepare for more of the same, folks! 🍿🎬

FinnMay 10, 2025May 10, 2025

OMG! 😱 You guys will NOT believe this “news”! Apparently, Disney, in their infinite wisdom (or lack thereof 🤔), is…

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Latest posts

  • Tekken 8 Now Ruined by Yujiro Hanma from Baki Because Who Needs Actual Tekken Characters Anyway and Also Harada Still Can’t Get Over His Waffle House Trauma
  • SEVENDUST’s LAJON WITHERSPOON Reveals Shocking Truth: We’re All Just A Bunch Of Equally Important Dudes With Beards And Guitar Riffs Who Can’t Decide On Anything
  • Simplification des Réglementations et de la Fiscalité pour les Gens qui Aiment se Faire Mal au Cerveau avec des Tas de Papierasserie
  • Dying Fetus at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)
  • Cephalic Carnage at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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