Well, well, well — it looks like Amazon’s attempt to drag Middle-earth back into the limelight with «Rings of Power» is going swimmingly, if you consider sinking like a stone to be swimming. According to Nielsen, who deal in all those pesky little numbers nobody likes to look at, the show lost a casual 26.7% of its viewership between September 9-15, 2024. In just one week, «Rings of Power» dropped from 1.019 billion minutes watched to a modest 747 million. That’s right, folks — apparently even the orcs are turning off their TV screens in disgust. 📺💀
But wait! Don’t despair, because Amazon MGM Studios head honcho Jennifer Salkey says everything is totally fine. In fact, she told Variety that over 150 million people are «engaged» with the series. Engaged how, exactly? Maybe they had the show running in the background while they were busy scrolling through TikTok or taking their dog out for a walk. It’s like saying you’re engaged to someone but forgot to buy the ring. 💍🐕
Now, we know you’re all wondering: how will Amazon save this sinking ship? Fear not! An insider has spilled the beans, revealing a brilliant plan. Apparently, Amazon has decided to «borrow» (read: shamelessly copy-paste) entire scenes from Peter Jackson’s beloved «Lord of the Rings» trilogy. That’s right, because if there’s one thing Tolkien fans love, it’s recycled content from 20 years ago. How innovative! 🎬📜
And the elves? Oh, there’s some internal debate about giving them a little… makeover. The plan? Dump them all in a giant vat of flour so they can emerge a little more familiar to fans of the original movies. Because nothing says thoughtful world-building quite like spontaneous, unexplained whitening. Stay tuned, folks — it’s going to be magical! 🧙♂️🌪
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
