In a stunning move that shocked absolutely no one familiar with Ubisoft’s formulaic game assembly line, the studio has officially disbanded the development team responsible for «Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown.» Why? Apparently, the game didn’t shovel enough gold coins into the company vault. Or, as Ubisoft prefers to put it in their soulless corporate speak: «The Lost Crown didn’t meet our financial expectations». Translation? If it’s not a carbon copy of Assassin’s Creed or Far Cry — it might as well not exist.
But hold on, we’ve got some insider tea that’s far juicier. The real reason for the disbandment is even more Ubisoftian than you think. The devs had the audacity — the unmitigated gall — to not turn Prince of Persia into yet another open-world snooze fest with radio towers, meaningless side quests, and, of course, hundreds of collectible feathers or question marks on a map. Can you imagine the nerve of these people? How dare they try to create something unique when they could have just churned out «Far Creed of Persia» and called it a day?
Apparently, the Ubisoft higher-ups were so offended by this display of creative rebellion that they locked the entire team in their office and shackled them to their computers, demanding they inject «more Far Cry essence» into the game. According to anonymous sources, this corporate hostage situation went on for weeks. Artists and designers, desperate to avoid turning the Prince into a glorified Assassin with a fancy hat, attempted to sneak in original gameplay mechanics, but alas, such heresy could not be tolerated. In the end, the game got released without Ubisoft’s signature checklist-stuffed map, and the rest is corporate history.
As a reward for their valiant resistance, the Prince of Persia team has been banished to the darkest corners of Ubisoft, where they will now be forced to work on endless sequels of Assassin’s Creed and Far Cry 24/7. That’ll teach them to think outside the corporate box! Welcome to the assembly line, folks. If you try to escape — don’t worry, there’s always another Assassin’s Creed Valhalla DLC waiting for you on the other side of despair. 🎮💀
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
