JACKSONVILLE, FL—Sighing in frustration as she turned another page devoid of sexual content, Lord Of The Rings reader Adrienne Heeren told reporters Wednesday that she couldn’t believe how long it was taking for Sam and Frodo to fuck. “Don’t get me wrong—I love a slow-burn, friends-to-lovers kind of thing, but I’m on the third book, and they haven’t even kissed yet,” said Heeren, who noted that while she was enjoying love interests Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins’ flirtatious banter and dynamic, she was quickly growing impatient while waiting for the eroticism to kick in. “In the first book, when Sam was caught crouching outside the window, I was like, ‘Here we go!’ But nope, false alarm. I know people love these books, but so far I don’t get it.” At press time, Heeren had turned on the film adaptation to see if it was any “spicier.”
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JACKSONVILLE, FL—Sighing in frustration as she turned another page devoid of sexual content, Lord Of The Rings reader Adrienne Heeren told reporters Wednesday that she couldn’t believe how long it was taking for Sam and Frodo to fuck. “Don’t get me wrong—I love a slow-burn, friends-to-lovers kind of thing, but I’m on the third book, and they
The post ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Reader Can’t Believe How Long It Taking Sam And Frodo To Fuck appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
