Terrified Conservatives Lose Ability To Speak English After Exposure To Bad Bunny Performance (‘¡Dios Mío!’ Cry Millions Of Panicking Republicans)

BOISE, ID—Crying out “¡Dios mío!” and “¡Ayúdame!” as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar’s “EoO,” millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lost the ability to speak English Sunday after exposure to Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl LX halftime performance. “Oh, what a crock-load of mierda—¿qué?—¿qué está pasando? ” said local 43-year-old Randy Hance, who in a scene that was currently unfolding in millions of households across the nation jumped out of his seat and clutched at his throat as he realized he was no longer able to speak any language but Spanish.“¡Estoy hablando español! ¿Pero no hablo español? No entiendo nada. ¡No puedo parar! Inglés, inglés, inglés, ¡quiero hablar inglés! ¡Es culpa tuya, conejito malo!” At press time, sources confirmed Hance was frantically attempting to smash his television set as his Super Bowl party guests cowered behind the sofa shrieking, “¡Dios nos ha abandonado!”

The post Terrified Conservatives Lose Ability To Speak English After Exposure To Bad Bunny Performance (‘¡Dios Mío!’ Cry Millions Of Panicking Republicans) appeared first on The Onion.

   BOISE, ID—Crying out “¡Dios mío!” and “¡Ayúdame!” as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar’s “EoO,” millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lost the ability to speak English Sunday after exposure to Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl LX halftime performance. “Oh, what a crock-load of mierda—¿qué?—¿qué está pasando? ” said local 43-year-old Randy
The post Terrified Conservatives Lose Ability To Speak English After Exposure To Bad Bunny Performance (‘¡Dios Mío!’ Cry Millions Of Panicking Republicans) appeared first on The Onion. Read More

Finn

Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.