WAUKESHA, WI—Saying his approach to parenting was “hands-off” as far as imparting fundamental life lessons was concerned, local dad Derrick Pomeroy told reporters Wednesday that he was really counting on sports to instill all of the core values his two children would need in life. “I could probably find more opportunities to teach my kids about fairness and self-discipline, but with any luck, sports will cover that kind of stuff,” Pomeroy said after he brought his two preteen sons home from Little League and sat them down in front of a TV tuned to a Milwaukee Bucks game, expressing hope that patience, respect, confidence, resilience, accountability, generosity, perseverance, personal hygiene, and financial responsibility would be sufficiently conveyed by the evening’s two activities. “To be honest, if they don’t develop a moral compass from team sports, I’m kind of screwed. Thankfully some of their coaches seem like pretty decent guys. I’m sure one of them will give my boys the sex talk better than I ever could.” At press time, Pomeroy added that any parenting gaps left by sports could be sufficiently filled by video games.
The post Local Dad Really Banking On Sports To Instill Core Values In Children appeared first on The Onion.
WAUKESHA, WI—Saying his approach to parenting was “hands-off” as far as imparting fundamental life lessons was concerned, local dad Derrick Pomeroy told reporters Wednesday that he was really counting on sports to instill all of the core values his two children would need in life. “I could probably find more opportunities to teach my kids about fairness and self-discipline, but with any luck,
The post Local Dad Really Banking On Sports To Instill Core Values In Children appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
⚖️ ENTER THE LEGALIZER
Think the government has no idea what it's doing? Put your case before the Federal Case Terminal and find out.