NEW YORK—Slamming both hands on the circulation desk after learning he was 17th in line for Larry McMurtry’s Pulitzer Prize–winning Western novel, Knicks star Jalen Brunson reportedly shouted, “Do you have any idea who I am?” Monday at a librarian who refused to move him up the Lonesome Dove waitlist. “Look, I am the NBA Finals MVP, I am a very big deal, and I have over one million dollars,” said Brunson, explaining that he needed the book more than the other patrons because his book club met next weekend. “No, I will not download the Libby app—I need to keep my phone free for texts and Google Maps. And don’t tell me to check out a different book, because I’ve already read every other one: Dracula, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Famesick, all of them. I need Lonesome Dove, and I need it today. I’ll even take the large-print copy for old people if necessary.” At press time, sources confirmed Brunson was attempting to intimidate the librarian by quietly dribbling a basketball beside the returns bin.
The post ‘Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?’ Jalen Brunson Shouts At Librarian Refusing To Move Him Up ‘Lonesome Dove’ Waitlist appeared first on The Onion.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
