HAWTHORNE, CA—Providing customers with an expansive and growing library of premium content, smart doorbell manufacturer Ring launched a new streaming service Wednesday.
Company officials said Ring+, as the subscription platform is called, features 3 trillion hours and counting of both live and pre-
recorded exterior home security footage from across the country. With an ad-supported $7.99 monthly plan, subscribers can use the Ring+ TV app to stream the front porches, back gates, stairwells, city sidewalks, and apartment building hallways of their choice on up to four devices at once.
“Ring+ will be the premier destination for original streaming content, with powerful new programs like Blue Honda Civic Turns Around In Driveway and Some Lady Walking Her Dog,” said Ring founder and top executive Jamie Siminoff, who expressed his hope that the platform’s offerings would entertain, inspire, and captivate its viewers. “We’re confident that Ring+ has something for everyone, whether you’re a fan of drama, action, reality, or true property crime. Nowhere else can you find such a great collection of footage of DoorDash drivers staring down at their phones, or neighborhood children standing way too close to the camera and fogging up the lens with their breath.”
An early look at the new streaming service’s interface reveals that users can browse by street address, GPS coordinates, or categories that range from “For Fans of Neighbor on Other Side of Hallway Entering His Apartment” to “Drunk Dude Locked Out” to “Forbidden Romance.” New users are encouraged to customize their profiles by choosing from a variety of character avatars, including UPS Guy, FedEx Woman, Mormon Missionary, Squirrel, and Groaning Man Being Carried Out by EMTs on a Stretcher.
While the maturity rating of available content ranges from G to TV-MA, officials confirmed that parental controls can be set up, allowing users to filter out videos featuring adult language, violence, substance use, nudity, and sex.
“I know I’m probably paying for too many streamers already, but when I saw they had Jeremy Allen White’s front door, I had to bite,” said 34-year-old Annelise Kostkourkova, sharing that she had already spent six hours binging the view of the actor’s yard and street, which was mostly tranquil apart from a strong gust of wind that caused a styrofoam plate to blow within 30 feet of the camera and trigger its motion detection sensors. “It’s a bit of a slow burn, but that’s fine. I just need something to put on while I fold laundry.”
“I do hope they eventually expand their live sports selection beyond the partially obscured garage-mounted basketball hoop and the occasional game of cornhole,” she added.
At press time, Netflix had reportedly signed a production deal with Google Chromebook to stream hacked laptop cameras.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.