DORO Drips Out Another Banger: “Warriors of the Sea” Will Cure Your Depression (Probably)
OMG! Doro Pesch, the self-proclaimed German metal queen (more like metal court jester, amirite? 😂), has graced us with a…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
MAMMOTH Plays “The End” for Mamas (Because Dads Don’t Matter, Apparently)
Folks, buckle up because MAMMOTH (formerly known as the infinitely more metal MAMMOTH WVH, because initials are *so* last year)…
SHINEDOWN Milking It: Two More Singles Before We Even THINK About Album #8 (OMG!)
BREAKING: SHINEDOWN’s Brent Smith, During Yet Another Appearance on “On With Mario Lopez” (Because Where Else Would He Be?), Claims…
Metallica Announces 2026 European Tour: Still Playing Those Same Songs, Huh
OMG! 🙄 Metallica, those lovable dinosaurs 🦕, are STILL at it! They’ve announced their “M72” tour is crawling back to…
Jerry Cantrell’s “I Want Blood” Video: Featuring Duff and Mike, Because Apparently Jerry Couldn’t Find Anyone Else
Jerry Cantrell, the dude who isn’t Layne Staley (RIP, forever missed 🥺), has dropped a new solo track called “I…
Burton C. Bell, Formerly of That Band You Kinda Remember, Drops Solo Single “Savages” to Remind You He Exists Next Week
So, Burton C. Bell, the guy who used to scream at robots 🤖 in Fear Factory (before they presumably unionized…
AS I LAY DYING: The “We Swear We’re Not Still Canceled” European Tour 2025 (Maybe)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because your favorite band of reformed (debatable) metalcore mayhem, AS I LAY DYING, is back! And…
Gavin Rossdale’s Lyrical Genius (Finally) Unveiled: ‘I Beat Loneliness’ (Probably)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because Gavin Rossdale from BUSH (yes, *that* BUSH) just dropped some profound wisdom on Baltimore’s 98…
DORO, Queen of Leather & Surprisingly Buoyant Seafaring Anthems, Drops New Banger This Friday (Prepare to Be Seasick)
Okay, so apparently the “Metal Queen” Doro Pesch (who?) is dropping a new single called “Warriors Of The Sea” this…
Lou Koller FINALLY Admits He’s Not Dying (For Now)
Alright, listen up, ya bunch of whiny internet trolls! Lou Koller, the screechy frontman of those geriatric hardcore legends, SICK…