Nikki Sixx, the bassist from that band your mom likes, MÖTLEY CRÜE, has apparently watched a documentary about Ozzy Osbourne. Yes, the same Ozzy who bit the head off a bat 🦇. Nikki, bless his heart, felt the need to share his profound thoughts on it. Prepare yourselves, folks, because this is groundbreaking stuff.
The documentary, called “Ozzy: No Escape From Now,” is about Ozzy‘s last six years, which, let’s be real, haven’t exactly been a walk in the park. It’s got Parkinson’s, farewell concerts, and, of course, the whole Osbourne family drama. You know, the usual reality TV fodder, but now with more摇滚.
Apparently, some lady named Tania Alexander directed it. Never heard of her. And it’s produced by Echo Velvet, which sounds like a failed hair metal band. But hey, at least the Osbourne clan and MTV Entertainment Studios are involved. Gotta keep those checks coming 💰.
So, Nikki Sixx, bless his heart again, took to social media to share his expert opinion. He posted the Paramount+ artwork, because who wouldn’t want to advertise for a streaming service? He said the documentary is “raw and real,” just like Sharon and Ozzy. I’m sure it’s all sunshine and rainbows 🌈.
He also gushed about how Sharon and Ozzy took them “under their wings.” Aww, how touching. Nikki claims they “taught us the ropes and broke our band international.” I guess that means MÖTLEY CRÜE owes their success to the Prince of Darkness and his shrewd manager. Who knew? 🤷♂️
Nikki then declared his undying love for Ozzy, saying he loved him with the “deepest part of my heart.” Seriously? The deepest part? Is that where you keep your hairspray and leather pants, Nikki? 🤔 He also offered his condolences to the family, because, you know, that’s what you do when someone makes a documentary about someone who is alive.
Back in September, Nikki told Billboard (because Billboard cares what Nikki Sixx thinks) that MÖTLEY CRÜE couldn’t make it to Ozzy‘s farewell concert. Apparently, Vince Neil had a “medical procedure.” Turns out it was a stroke. Maybe he should lay off the booze and burgers for a minute 🍔.
Nikki went on to say that Ozzy was instrumental in MÖTLEY CRÜE‘s career. Yawn 😴. We get it, Nikki. You’re grateful. Can we move on to something more interesting, like what Tommy Lee is tweeting about?
According to Nikki, Sharon saw something special in MÖTLEY CRÜE and thought they were a “perfect fit” for Ozzy. I’m sure Ozzy loved having those wild boys on tour with him. Probably made him feel like a choir boy 😇.
Nikki also said that Ozzy took them around the world and “did everything for us.” I wonder what “everything” entails. 🤔 Did Ozzy help them with their makeup? Did he teach them how to trash a hotel room properly? Inquiring minds want to know!
Circling back to the farewell concert (because Nikki can’t seem to stay on topic), he said Ozzy “went out with a bang.” Well, duh 🙄. It’s Ozzy Osbourne. What else would he do? Read poetry? Knit sweaters?
Nikki also lamented that we “don’t have him anymore.” Uh, Nikki, last I checked, Ozzy is still breathing. Maybe you should check your sources 📰.
It’s unclear if MÖTLEY CRÜE was even invited to perform at the concert. Maybe Ozzy just wanted real musicians like METALLICA and GUNS N’ ROSES. Ouch 🤕.
The concert also featured other bands like SLAYER, PANTERA, GOJIRA, and ALICE IN CHAINS. Sounds like a real geriatric fest 👵. And Tom Morello was the musical director? Seriously? 🙄
Ozzy once said that he doesn’t remember much of the ’84 tour with MÖTLEY CRÜE. Shocker 😲. He also said he might have snorted a line of ants. You know, just your average rock star behavior.
Nikki reconfirmed the ant-snorting story, because why not? He said they were a “wild young band” and Ozzy took them under his wing. He also admitted that Ozzy “won” at being crazy. I guess that’s something to aspire to 🏆.
But wait, there’s more! Jake E. Lee, who played guitar for Ozzy on that tour, says the ant story is BS 🐂💩. He claims Ozzy only snorted a spider. A spider, Nikki! Get your facts straight!
Even Ozzy‘s son Jack got in on the action. He asked Sharon if the ant story was true. Sharon said she wasn’t there and called Nikki an “asshole.” Savage 🔥.
Ozzy, however, admitted that he did snort the ants. “I was drunk and I did it,” he said. Well, there you have it folks. Straight from the horse’s mouth 🐴.
Nikki responded to Sharon‘s comments by saying they have “a lot of love and respect” for her and Ozzy. He also said he deletes comments calling her a “plastic granny tranny.” How noble of him 😇.
So there you have it folks, Nikki Sixx watched a documentary and had some thoughts. Profound, groundbreaking, and utterly ridiculous. Just like MÖTLEY CRÜE. 🤡
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
