Man Rents Steamroller To Squeeze One Last Usable Amount Of Toothpaste From Tube
SEWARD, NE — A local man set an impressive new standard for frugality this week by renting a professional-grade steamroller…
Author: Finn
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed "Emperor of Irony," started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
Feds Uncover Terabytes Of Free Speech During Raid Of Protestor’s Residence
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Following a daring operation that saw authorities seize the man’s property and detain him in an undisclosed location,…
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
Read MoreThe OnionJACKSON, MS—Seeking to assuage consumer concerns about dwindling supplies, the nation’s egg companies reportedly assured shoppers this week that…
Checkmate: Trump Hits Canada With Tariff Of Double Infinity Plus One
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Canada is reeling after Trump upped the ante in the trade war by slapping America’s northern neighbor…
Life Hack: Volunteer For Parking Lot Ministry And You’ll Never Have To Hear Another Sermon For The Rest Of Your Days
Check out this sweet life hack, my church brethren! Or… should I say “faith hack?” Yes, it’s true. If you…
Tesla Dealerships Attacked With Molotov Cocktails
Read MoreThe OnionTesla car dealerships across the U.S. have been attacked with guns and Molotov cocktails in recent days over…
NBA To Allow LeBron James To Play In Giant Hamster Ball So Other Players Can’t Touch Him
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an unprecedented move intended to protect one of the league’s most valuable commodities, the NBA…
Liberals Defeat Nazis By Painting Swastikas Everywhere And Torching Immigrant Businesses
WORLD — Liberals across the world have defeated Naziism by painting swastikas on everything and setting fire to immigrant-owned storefronts.…
Only Good-Looking Person In Office Mingles With Hideous Coworkers Like Missionary Among Lepers
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Showing a graciousness and magnanimity that the rest of the world has denied these pariahs and rejects, Jordan…
Man Longs For Simpler Time When Games Were 2D And You Could Never Get Past The First Level
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — Local middle-aged man Dustin Sidewood was seen gazing out a window thoughtfully, longing for a time…