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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Bond Market Hits Panic Button Again Because Surprises Never Happen
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bond Market Hits Panic Button Again Because Surprises Never Happen

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The bond market has been having a tough week, and…

Gas Prices Soar Because Who Needs Savings Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Gas Prices Soar Because Who Needs Savings Anyway

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about how high gas prices are still weighing on Americans, and I’ve got…

Royals, Elton John Get Sued For Eight Figures, Totally Worth It
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Royals, Elton John Get Sued For Eight Figures, Totally Worth It

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Prince Harry and a bunch of other high-profile folks, including Elton…

Trump Gets New Stalker, Calls Her a Devoted Supporter Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gets New Stalker, Calls Her a Devoted Supporter Somehow

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Natalie Harp, a close aide to President Donald Trump, has been…

IndyCar Takes Over DC Because Who Needs Traffic Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

IndyCar Takes Over DC Because Who Needs Traffic Anyway

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Washington, DC is about to join the ranks of Monaco, Las…

Trump Gives Graham Gentle Shove Towards Victory
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gives Graham Gentle Shove Towards Victory

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump is heading to South Carolina to hold a…

Lake Mead’s Record Low Exposes More Than Just Old Bones Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lake Mead’s Record Low Exposes More Than Just Old Bones Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Lake Mead, the largest reservoir in the United States, has been…

Alaska Plane Crash Totally Not a Bear Related Incident Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Alaska Plane Crash Totally Not a Bear Related Incident Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a tragic plane crash in Alaska, where a charter plane went down…

Alaska Air Traffic Just Got A Whole Lot Less Crowded
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Alaska Air Traffic Just Got A Whole Lot Less Crowded

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a charter plane that crashed near a remote radar site in western…

Aisha Wahab somehow defeats money avalanche to win House seat
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Aisha Wahab somehow defeats money avalanche to win House seat

Big ElephantAugust 20, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Democratic state Sen. Aisha Wahab is projected to win the special…

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