Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Jackal Research Division
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Stocks Soaring? More Like Snoring-ly Overpriced | CNN (Clueless) Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Stocks Soaring? More Like Snoring-ly Overpriced | CNN (Clueless) Business

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Another day, another socialist scare tactic from CNN! They’re whining about the stock market being “expensive” and “vulnerable.” News flash,…

Kraft Heinz Decides to Finally Embrace Its Multiple Personality Disorder
Elephant Reads CNN

Kraft Heinz Decides to Finally Embrace Its Multiple Personality Disorder

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Here we go again, folks! Kraft Heinz, bowing to the woke mob’s demands for “diversity” and “inclusion” in our grocery…

CNN’s Sept 2 Rundown: Afghanistan’s a Mess, Sudan’s a Bigger Mess, Covid’s Still a Thing, Chicago’s Still Chicago, and Mass Shootings, Because ‘Murica
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN’s Sept 2 Rundown: Afghanistan’s a Mess, Sudan’s a Bigger Mess, Covid’s Still a Thing, Chicago’s Still Chicago, and Mass Shootings, Because ‘Murica

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Folks, President Trump is once again showing why he’s the greatest! He’s awarding the Medal of Freedom to Rudy Giuliani,…

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)
Elephant Reads CNN

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by woke corporations to pander to the easily-influenced masses! Taco Bell, succumbing to the siren…

Illinois Official Hilariously Claims Trump’s Chicago “Help” Came Without a Single Phone Call, Text, or Carrier Pigeon | CNN Politics
Elephant Reads CNN

Illinois Official Hilariously Claims Trump’s Chicago “Help” Came Without a Single Phone Call, Text, or Carrier Pigeon | CNN Politics

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

**Another day, another soccer mom triggered by… something. Probably the price of organic kale at Whole Foods. But no, wait!…

Jerry Nadler, bless his heart, FINALLY realizes he’s been in Congress since the Stone Age and decides to grace us with his absence
Elephant Reads CNN

Jerry Nadler, bless his heart, FINALLY realizes he’s been in Congress since the Stone Age and decides to grace us with his absence

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

The swamp is draining itself, folks! Jerry Nadler, another Deep State operative, is calling it quits! After decades of pushing…

CNN: Trump’s October Surprise – Will Democrats Ever Find Their Way Out of the Woods
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Trump’s October Surprise – Will Democrats Ever Find Their Way Out of the Woods

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Well, folks, another day, another leftist media meltdown over our glorious President Trump! CNN is hyperventilating about Trump supposedly “flexing…

Hong Kong’s Crypto Dreams: So Close, Yet Hilariously Far Away
Elephant Reads CNN

Hong Kong’s Crypto Dreams: So Close, Yet Hilariously Far Away

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Hong Kong is embracing cryptocurrency, and you won’t believe who showed up at the Bitcoin Asia summit: none other than…

CNN: Trump Hands China the Entire Freakin’ Soccer Field, Analyst States the Obvious
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Trump Hands China the Entire Freakin’ Soccer Field, Analyst States the Obvious

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2025September 1, 2025

Oh, CNN, always spinning tales! This “analyst” from “Chatham House” (sounds like a commie front if you ask me) claims…

Guatemalan Kids Throw Epic Tantrum, Judge Caves
Elephant Reads CNN

Guatemalan Kids Throw Epic Tantrum, Judge Caves

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2025September 1, 2025

Another day, another activist judge siding with the Open Borders Lobby! These Guatemalan children, probably coached by Soros-funded NGOs, are…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 179 180 181 … 279 Next

Latest posts

  • Why Every Band Announces A Farewell Tour And Never Leaves
  • Wilson Unveils Tennis Balls With Even More Smell
  • Rick Astley Still Not Retired Apparently
  • Duran Duran’s umpteenth farewell gift, Free To Love remixed to death apparently
  • More Unnecessary Sequels Abound Resonance Plague Tale Is Back

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}