OMG You Guys CORROSION OF CONFORMITY Finally Found a Drummer Who Can Tolerate Them
It’s not every day that a band finds a new drummer, but when they do, it’s a momentous occasion that…
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Lucky Hockey Fan Catches Foul Tooth
   ANAHEIM, CA — During Thursday night’s hockey game between the San Jose Sharks and Anaheim Ducks, one lucky fan…
Discord and Sanrio Join Forces to Make Your Profile Pic a Hello Kitty Nightmare Because Who Needs Human Friends Anyway
The ultimate news that will change your life forever: Sanrio and Discord have teamed up to bring you the most…
Steven Spielberg Got Scared of All the Math and Science Stuff in Interstellar and Ran Away with His Tail Between His Legs
So, you want to know about Steven Spielberg and his failed attempt to direct Interstellar? 🚀👽 Well, buckle up, folks,…
Melania Trump: ‘Never Once In My 4,000 Years Have I Been To Epstein Island’
      The post Melania Trump: ‘Never Once In My 4,000 Years Have I Been To Epstein Island’ appeared first on…
Catholics Find Common Ground With Protestants In Ignoring What The Pope Says Most Of The Time
   WORLD — In a historic ecumenical breakthrough, devout Roman Catholics finally found common ground with Protestants in ignoring what…
George Lucas Calls Darth Maul To Congratulate Him On Disney+ Series
      SAN ANSELMO, CA—Feeling surprised and delighted by his former employee’s success, Star Wars creator George Lucas reportedly called Darth Maul on…
Pros And Cons Of Phone-Free Concerts
      More artists are banning phones at their shows. The Onion examines the pros and cons of phone-free concerts. PRO…
In Dire Need Of Toilet, Artemis Lands At Buc-ee’s
   LAKE JACKSON, TX — After nearly nine days without a fully functioning toilet, the crew of NASA’s Artemis II…
The Punisher: One Last Kill Before He Finally Retires to a Life of Knitting and Sipping Tea
Breaking news, folks: Frank Castle is back, and we’re all supposed to be excited about it 🤩. I mean, who…