Elon Musk Launches Emergency Rescue Plumber To Repair Artemis’ Toilet
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — NASA issued a statement on Thursday confirming that Elon Musk had launched an emergency rescue…
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Peter Gabriel Finally Emerges From His Cave to Bless Us with New Music That Will Probably Be Played at Every Hippie Wedding for the Next Decade
Peter Gabriel, the legendary musician and king of confusing album titles, has just dropped a new track called “Till Your…
Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams Reissued Because You Clearly Didn’t Buy Enough Copies the First Time Around and Now You Need to Spend More Money on the Same Songs You Already Know by Heart for the 30th Time
Tina Turner’s Wildest Dreams is being reissued for its 30th anniversary, because who doesn’t love a good throwback 🎉? The…
D.D. VERNI Says New OVERKILL Album Will Definitely Maybe Possibly Come Out In Early 2027 Or Maybe Never Who Knows
In a shocking turn of events, OVERKILL bassist D.D. Verni has announced that he won’t be touring with the band…
Get Ready for the Most Thrilling Experience of Watching Your Character Die Repeatedly in Ascenders: Because Who Needs to Reach the Peak Anyway
Oh boy, are you guys ready for another climbing game? 🤣 Because, apparently, the world was just missing a game…
The Last of Us Online Got Cancelled Faster Than My Social Life After Playing The Last of Us
So, you thought you knew the whole story behind the cancellation of The Last of Us Online? 🤔 Think again,…
Conan The Barbarian Somehow Manages to Wreck Stuff Again in Yet Another DLC That Will Probably Sell Anyway Jotunnslayer Hordes of Hel Because Who Needs Originality
The developers behind Jotunnslayer: Hordes of Hel have announced a DLC that brings the one and only Conan The Barbarian…
Cyberpunk Edgerunners Fans Get Ready to Waste Even More of Their Lives on a Board Game Based on a Show About Wasting Your Life in a Dystopian Future
After the astronomical success of Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, because who doesn’t love a good anime about edgy teens with cybernetic enhancements…
What A Moron: Judas Dips Bread In Bowl Right After Jesus Says ‘The One Who Dips The Bread In The Bowl Will Betray Me’
JERUSALEM — Witnesses revealed that total idiot Judas Iscariot dipped his bread in the bowl with Jesus mere seconds…
What To Know About ‘The Super Mario Galaxy Movie’
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is now in theaters. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the…