New Starfleet Vessel Unable To Reach Warp Speed Because Crew Is Too Fat
SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER — The exploration of other strange, new worlds and the seeking out of new life…
Category: Babylon Bee
Listen Up, Ladies! Here Are 9 Beauty Tips To Help You Attract A Hunky Conservative Dude
Every woman wants a hunky, conservative dude to marry. The hard part is knowing how to attract them. Every…
NATO Begs U.S. For Emergency Funding So They Can Defend Greenland From U.S.
BRUSSELS — Amid the looming threat of a U.S. military takeover of Greenland, NATO requested emergency aid from the…
Ominous Sign? New Army Recruitment Ads Say ‘Visit Lovely Greenland’
U.S. — In yet another potentially ominous sign that President Donald Trump was dead-set on the United States acquiring…
Tucker Carlson Amazed At How Clean And Well-Run The Murdering Of Iranian Protestors Is
U.S. — After watching the news of the Iranian government executing tens of thousands of protestors, political commentator Tucker…
Democrats Respond To RFK With New Food Pentagram
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the new food pyramid released Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Democrats have released an…
Bill Clinton Says He’ll Gladly Testify On Epstein Case Just As Soon He Gets Back From This Cool Island
NEW YORK, NY — According to filings to the Federal Court of the southern district of New York, former…
Ketanji Brown Jackson Arrives At Work In Official SCOTUS Short Bus
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson arrived for work at the Supreme Court building this morning in the…
Trump Announces Plan To Take Australia And Cash In Its 2 Troop Bonus Every Round, Wait Till All The Other Armies Are Depleted, Then Launch His Assault On Asia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has revealed his plan to seize Australia, cash in its two-troop continent bonus each…
Trump’s New Rose Garden Signage Deemed ‘Tacky,’ ‘Overwrought’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite its lavish overhaul to provide the iconic landscaping with a much-needed facelift for 2026, President…