Wife Says She Will Be Ready To Go In 45 Minutes, Plus Stoppage Time
LIMERICK, PA — In preparation for their Friday date night, local wife Allison Murphy informed her husband that she…
Category: Babylon Bee
‘Soccer Is Slow, Low-Scoring, And Boring,’ Says Baseball Fan
SAN DIEGO, CA — As America’s dreams of a World Cup victory came to an end, a sophisticated baseball…
WNBA Player Suspended For Not Assaulting Caitlin Clark
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — A WNBA player was suspended on Tuesday for failing to meet the league’s code of conduct…
Kids Sentenced To Another Week At Different VBS
MOBILE, AL — After surviving five consecutive days of “Jungle Quest: Following Jesus Into The Wild” just last month,…
U.S. Back In World Cup After Trump Deports Belgian Team
U.S. — The United States Men’s National Team was officially placed back in the World Cup after President Donald…
8 Simple, Foolproof Ways To Test An Athlete’s Gender
On June 30, the United States Supreme Court upheld the right of states to ban transgender athletes from competing…
Study Finds 92% Of Husbands’ Time Spent Waiting For Their Wives
U.S. — A study published by the American Association for the Advancement of Science on Monday revealed that exactly…
President Trump Officially Invites Nation Of Belgium To Cry Harder
U.S. — On Monday afternoon, President Donald Trump issued an official invitation to the nation of Belgium to cry…
‘Yeah, But It’s A Dry Heat,’ Says Arizona Man Who Is Currently On Fire
TEMPE, AZ — Local man Frank Benden, who was currently engulfed in flames, assured friends coming to visit that…
America Finally Interested In Soccer After Realizing How Angry You Can Make Europeans
U.S. — After years of ignoring the world’s most popular sport, Americans finally took a keen interest in soccer…