Candy Company Introduces New, Even Noisier Wrappers For Opening In Church
U.S. — The Brach’s Candy company announced the release of new, noisier candy wrappers for opening during the middle of…
Category: Babylon Bee
Excited Couple Closes Escrow On Dozen Eggs
OLYMPIA, WA — After a lengthy negotiation process, local couple Chris and Haven Whitmer celebrated finally closing escrow on a…
Prince Harry Asks ICE To Deport Him To Guantanamo Bay For Some Peace And Quiet
U.S. — Prince Harry has begged for ICE to please deport him to Guantanamo Bay, offering to commit whatever crime…
Nation Asks If That Security Guy Can Please Just Follow Congress Around And Keep Them From Doing Anything Ever
U.S. — Americans are begging the now-famous security guard who stood up to screeching Democrats to please always follow Congress…
Democrats Assure Americans The Millions In USAID They Gave Hamas Was Just For Gay Stuff
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid the new heightened scrutiny on government spending, Democrats assured Americans that the millions of dollars in…
Announcement: The Babylon Bee Is Willing To Promote Any US Government Cause In Exchange For $34 Million
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — The Babylon Bee would like to formally announce that it is willing to promote any and…
Trump Appoints Satan As White House Faith Advisor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising move, President Donald Trump announced today that the newly created White House Faith Office…
The Burger King Calls On Senators To Vote Against RFK Jr.
BURGER KING CASTLE — The Burger King issued an edict from his throne this week and urged senators to vote…
10 Inefficiencies In Government Computer Systems Identified By DOGE Workers
The Trump administration’s Department of Government Efficiency has been on the warpath against federal waste and turning over every seedy…
Local Episcopal Church Announces 327 New Bible Study Groups For All The Genders
CINCINNATI, OH — St. Arthwyn’s Episcopal Church of Cincinnati has just expanded its discipleship offerings with 327 new Bible study…