Single Woman Constantly Stressed With No Man Around To Tell Her To Relax
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Local single woman Michelle Denton continues to be perpetually stressed out as she sadly has no…
Category: Babylon Bee
Biblical Scholars Now Believe Jesus Will Return Again 13 Days After Second Coming To Pick Up Orthodox Believers
U.S. — After years of examining the texts about the second coming of Christ, Bible scholars now believe that Jesus…
Russia Says It Will Agree To Ceasefire As Soon As It’s Done Conquering Ukraine
MOSCOW — In an encouraging development for the seemingly deadlocked negotiations, Russia now says that it would agree to a…
Dad Issues Kids Night Vision Goggles So Family Never Has To Turn On A Light Again
HOULTON, ME — Local man Chris Porter stumbled upon an incredible life hack to reduce his family’s electric bill after…
Studies Show Majority Of People Who Say They Don’t Want Kids Have Never Flown A Toddler Around In A Laundry Basket While Making Rocket Ship Sounds
CINCINNATI, OH — An eye-opening new study has shown that the majority of people who say they don’t want to…
In Effort To Boost Ticket Sales, Disney Edits Rachel Zegler Out Of ‘Snow White’
BURBANK, CA — In an effort to boost ticket sales for what it suspected could be a disappointing opening, Disney…
Theologians Agree That Antichrist Will Most Likely Be A Podcaster
CHICAGO, IL — Following extensive study, a group of prominent theologians agreed that the Antichrist would most likely be a…
Track & Field Runner Accidentally Trips, Punches, Attacks Rival With A Sword
LYNCHBURG, VA — This week’s championship 4×200-meter relay event ended in disaster when a runner accidentally, tripped, punched, and attacked…
Man Leading Bible Study Taken Up Into Heaven After Dropping Greek Word
BLUE SPRINGS, MO — Members of a church small group were witness to a miraculous event this week, as a…
Man Rents Steamroller To Squeeze One Last Usable Amount Of Toothpaste From Tube
SEWARD, NE — A local man set an impressive new standard for frugality this week by renting a professional-grade steamroller…